Simon wrote his own obituary and he asked me to read it.
(he pulls a piece of paper from his pocket, unfolds it and reads) "Simon
B. Wilder bit it on Wednesday". (small laughing sigh) "He saw the world
out of the porthole of a leaky freighter, was a collector of memories
and interrupted a lecture at Harvard." (pause) In fifty years on earth,
he did only one thing he regretted." "He is survived by his family: Jeff
Hawks, who always remembers to flush, Everett Callaway, who knows how
to use words, Courtney Bloominthall, who is strong, but know how to love,
and Montgomery Kessler," "who will graduate life with honor and no regret."
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