Anyone dieting here?
That's a hard part of life isn't it?
My wife's on a diet...
She's been on a diet for like years.
She progresses from one diet to another.
Working a diet for a while, Then she announces the discovery of the next 'better diet'
Like there's the Weigh Down diet
This is a diet where you can eat what you want, but only when your hungry.
Sounds good doesn't it?
The catch is 'Weigh Down' has redefine what hungry is.
And it's not the 'I feel hungry' you and I know.
Weigh Down's hungry happens hours later.
Your not allowed to eat until your stomach is growling.
And that happens like once in a day....ONCE A DAY!
But that's not where the fun ends on 'Weigh Down'
I've been starving myself for like 36 hrs. waiting for my stomach to growl.
And I'm thinking, when I do get to eat I'm gonna make it count.
But just as I'm gonna dig in my wife says
"Honey, you know your only supposed to eat until your satisfied right?"
I say with a huge hungry smile on.. "YEAHHHH".
My smile goes south as I find out those Weigh Down nazis have redefined what full is too.
Weigh Down's full is called 'Satisfied'
And Satisfied isn't the full you and I know.
It's just after your tummy stops feeling "Weigh Down" hungry.
And that was halfway through what I intended to eat.
"That's it?!" I say. "Yes dear now your Satisfied" (look of dismay)
You notice by now that I'm on this diet, right?
That's because I inevitably find myself on some of these diets with her.
I don't want to be on a diet but she wants me to join her in it.
I think she wants company or something.
Someone to mown with when the going gets tuff.
"Don! Is there any chocolate hidden somewhere?"
(she'll call out to me in one of her weak moments)
You see she's thinking if I were on the program with her,
I'd have her back in this battle and together we would defeat the enemy.
Yes, the dreaded three headed Fat Demon.
He's the one responsible for planting evil yummy thoughts in her mind.
Yummy suggestions that lead to reminiscent rememberings of palate pleasing orgies.
Like the Chocolate fudge binge last Tuesday evening that left her shaking on the floor with a guilty Monalisa smile on her face.
If I were dieting with her this might not have happened.
I would have jumped to her side when Fat Demon showed up and together,
Like Skinny Samurais, we would have protected each other.
Back to back with swords drawn we would've slain Fat Demon and cut off his three heads. Sending fatty goo spewing all over us and the room.
Then we'd do our victory dance like two mud wrestling hotties covered with......
*stopping rant looks at audience*
Sorry.... what was I talking about again? OH yeah diets...
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