Male: Contemporary - Monologues

If it hadn't been for you, I should have shot myself long ago. What's the family creed? "I believe in Gerald. I believe in Gerald the Brother. I believe in Gerald the Son. I believe in Gerald the Nephew. I believe in Gerald the Friend, the Lover, Gerald the Holy Marvel."

Oh, well. It's a bit quiter without those two. Hear yourself speak. Too damned noisy before. All that crunching of toast. Like a brigade of Guards marching on gravel. Well now, Reg....."

Oh. Do you know something, Evelyn. Now I'm talking off the top of my head now because I've only just met you, I don't really know you...

You decided to be logical, didn't you, poor simpleton? Logic forever! The question now is: where will that take you?...

What are you crying about, young lady? For shame, for shame! He, he, he! There! I'm older than you, and I don't cry. [Looks at her searchingly.] Oh, well, I know what it's about! I suppose you want to marry a young fellow? Now, this, my pretty one, is just girlish

Tsar Ivan was like a great volcano, and from the bowels of this volcano came an earthquake which shook all the world, and there would shoot up tongues of flame that carried death and destruction through all the land. Tsar Fyodor is quite different. I would rather compare him to a cleft in a green meadow. Its ruts and hillocks are overgrown with green, silken grass. But if you wander about carelessly, both the shepherd and his flock will fall through the cleft -- into a precipice. We have a

My wife is dumb. Quite dumb. I admit, I noticed it before we were married. I couldn't help noticing it, of course, but it didn't seem to make so much difference to me then as it does now. I considered her beauty, and her property, and thought of nothing but the advantages of the match and the happiness I should have with her. But now these matters seem less important, and I do wish she could talk; that would be a real intellectual pleasure for me, and, what's more, a practical advantage for the household. What does a

It's an absolute lie, the whole story. We have not abandoned her. As a child she was left without father or mother when she was seven years old. Her mother, a good woman, was unfortunate in love, and set her heart on a worthless fellow, one of those glib, smooth-tongued wretches, half French, half Spanish, who hail from nobody knows where. Well, one day they were married. Years later, she died from a blow that he gave her, and the man, for he was a smuggler, was found dead one morning in a gully on the French

To wed, or not to wed;--that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in a man to suffer The slings and sorrows of that blind young archer; Or fly to arms against a host

Business is definitely business, but just listen for a minute You don't understand this. When I was a boy-eighteen, nineteen---I was already on the road. And there was a question in my mind as to whether selling had a future for me. Because in those days I had a yearning to go to Alaska. See, there were three gold strikes in one month in Alaska, and I felt like going out. Just for the ride, you might say. Oh, yeah, my father lived many years in Alaska. He was an

My life turned upside down since then. I couldn't go back to work when you left. I wanted to go to dad and tell him you were going to be married..

Why did I choose this house? Well, for the same reasons that you did, I guess. Uh, its'...all alone. It's unto itself. Of course, you thought that...that would be different, that you would have neighbours but you don't, not yet....the person in the film, the person that was supposed to live here is going through a very strange time in their lives. They have everything they want or they have the means to get everything they want but they don't know what they need....so they... try different things and this

You know every time I go on one of these flights to rescue Zoe, I remember the summer we almost lost her. She was 3 years old. It happened one morning at this cottage we used to rent. We were all together sleeping in bed. It was a wonderful time in out lives. We still felt we had a future together, the three of us. I remember I was....awakened by Zoe's breathing. It was labored. I looked across and I noticed that...she was sweating...and all swollen, and I...I grabbed her

You're angry, aren't you, Mrs. Otto? That's why I'm here. To give your anger a voice. To be your weapon against whoever caused that bus to go off the road. Dolores was doing exactly what she's done for years. Besides, the school board's insurance was minimal, a few million at most. The really deep pockets are in the town...or the company that made the bus. Mrs. Otto, there is no such thing as an accident. The word doesn't mean anything to me. As far as I'm concerned, somebody somewhere made

Peter, I know Dave's circumstances, and so I know why you're here. Dave is a star of such compelling stature that frankly it makes me personally angry he finds himself this abused. We pride ourselves here at CAA in developing a career plan for our clients that protects them as much as enriches them. David has set such an incredibly high professional standard and yet he is going disturbingly unrewarded. That just doesn't make sense....."

He's younger than you are", that's what she said. Anybody would think I was doddering about on bleeding crutches. Trouble is, I still keep thinking about her. I can't get her out of me mind. Who'd have thought a ruddy great lust-box like her would have found her way into anybody's feelings? She might have looked a hard case, but underneath she was quite mumsie, and she was in beautiful condition. Do you know, I'm beginning to think she was beautiful. After all, it ain't through the eyes that you

I could have dropped on the spot with the shock. All I was expecting to see was....Well, come to think of it, I don't rightly know what I was expecting to see....Certainly not this perfectly formed...being. I half expected it to cry out. It didn't, of course. It couldn't have done. It could never have had any life in it. I mean, not a proper life of its own. No, I suppose not. Still...it must have had some life, of course. And as it lay there so quiet, so still....it

Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis...

So here I am. I'm just in town for a one day layover and I happen to find myself in this bar. So, so far so good. What am I going to do? I could lounge alone and lonely and stare into my drink, or I could take the bull by the horns...."

Why, sir, I'll give you my opinion. Of all failings, that of an idle curiosity is the most abject and contemptible: it is generally found in those whose utter littleness of mind prevents their engaging in any useful or honourable pursuit, and who, thus incapable of action themselves, seek to be distinguished by meddling in the affairs of others. A curious man is, in my opinion, a species of thief. Men are so branded who enter our abodes and abstract our property; and is not the individual who violates every law of decency and social life, and seeks

Ye call me chief; and ye do well to call him chief who for twelve long years has met upon the arena every shape of man or beast the broad Empire of Rome could furnish, and who never yet lowered his arm. If there be one among you who can say that ever, in

SILENCE!! Now, how are we going to play Get the Guests? (to Martha) You be quiet! I wonder...I wonder...."

Hold the calls. I'm here, I'm here every night, I come up here every night. This is my job, this is what I do for a living. I come up here and I do the best I can. I give you the best I can. I can't do better than this. I can't. I'm only a human being up here...

Ahh. B. Nero 37981. My arch nemesis. My Diablo. My personal Beelzebub. Do you have your own personal Beelzebub? I have my own personal Beelzebub. He's a good one. He's a damn good one. He got my toe last week. That is the only toe I plan to let him have. We have a headsurfing rematch tonight. A rematch with my arch nemesis. He gave a good game, I'll give it to him, it was good. A good game, I love a good game, I'm not saying that he cheated or got lucky or anything, he

Look, I don't need you or anyone else to tell me about me. I don't need you to think that without your help I wouldn't be where I am now. I can do fine without your help, I got a GED, I went to a community college with money I earned at a warehouse, I didn't go to Harvard, I didn't get a scholarship and I'll be goddamned if you think you can take any credit for where I am today. [Pause.] When I was a boy, I lived in a bad place. Broken down cars, broken

Marriage, my young friends, is an iniquitous arrangement devised by the Devil himself for driving all the love out of the hearts of lovers. They start out as much in love with each other as you two are today, and they end by being as sick of the sight of each other as you two

How can you expect a man to be brave when he meets with nothing in life but misfortune? Everything has gone wrong with me since the day I was born. Whatever I put my hand to fails utterly. You know it better than I do. I was brought up to be rich, and I am poor. I studied law, and

I've seen it happen. People talk of these "cures" ... Anything may be a cure ... for something. Yesterday they installed a regular medicine man in the dispensary. He has just got through his examinations in Madrid with flying colours ... and he seems a clever boy. A little pedantic ... but that's only natural ... for he knows such a lot ... such a devil of a lot. To hear him talk about serums and injections and immunity and all the while giving me a look from the corner of his eye as if to say, "Now's

Barefaced audacity. What led you to be so... vindictive against your own brother? I'm bowled over. Well, Ted, I would say this is something approaching the naked truth, isn't it?..."

You're stinking the place out. You're an old robber, there's no getting away from it. You are an old skate. You don't belong in a nice place like this...

Your husband has been writing the speech here, and by his own wish he read it to me three days ago. The occasion is to be an important one; and, well, there are a dozen young men in the party at present, all capable of filling a certain small ministerial post. And as he is one of

Sure there's a lot more punks than there was four years earlier, but there was also as many poseurs. Poseurs were people that looked like punks, but they did it for fashion. And they were fools. They would say "anarchy in the UK," you see, poseurs…

I'm at over 80 miles per hour and I lose my shit. Too many thoughts rattling around in my brain. Too many miles of cold gray asphalt and interstate nothingness. I haven't slept in days, as usual, and all I can think about is that call I got at 6 a.m. 'Jack you better get out here.' I slammed the phone down and hit the road. The rest is a blur. It's too much to bear, the thought of my step-father's impending death. God, I'm tired. Now, I'm racing over eighty,

Thanks for coming so soon. I have reason to believe that my papers, which contain many startling philosophical observations and possibly the precise documentation of numerous inevitable futures, have been stolen by the Soviet Russians, or even extra-terrestrials of extreme intelligence. In addition, I cannot rule out the possibility that it was the FBI or the CIA, sent on a covert mission sanctioned by the dangerously paranoid President of the United States himself. It is entirely possible that one of my stories have come too close to the actual, real truth

How does God speak to us? It's a good question. You know Lee Sussman... Did he ever tell you about the goy's teeth?...So, Lee is at work one day. You know, he has the orthodontic practice there at Great Bear. He is making a plaster mold. It's for corrective bridgework in the mouth of one of his patients, Russel Krauss....

"Personal" "Most Urgent" "Senor Don Juan De Vargas." Of that there's no doubt--and it's the writing of Teresa. Come now, calm! Very calm! [Pause.] Now I'm beginning to see clearly--but at first--I felt a wave of blood--immense, without end, which suddenly mounted to my head and broke in red foam at my eyes, and all--all red--even Maria. Poor Maria. She ran away terrified. She said I struck her--I couldn't have--Christ--to strike a child--my child--no, not children--not any child. Now--to think it out quietly. I must know many things. If it was only one! But there are so many! And

If everyone else is talking now, why shouldn't we talk, too? The whole town is a seething, boiling whirlpool that sucks in and absorbs and devours and utterly destroys the honor, the good name, the very being of three people, and carries them away on the spray of laughter through the canal of human misery to the social abyss of shame, and there drowns forever the future, the fair name, and the memory, of these unhappy beings. No, I will not speak lower. They aren't whispering; they're shouting aloud. Why, the air fairly resounds! There isn't a

Well, here's a mess; and a useless mess, too. Just the same, no matter what my uncle may say, it was sheer madness to have a young girl as beautiful as the sun under the same roof, in almost continual contact with Ernesto, who is a handsome fellow with a soul all of fire, and a head full of romance. He swears there is nothing between them but the purest sort of friendship, that he loves her like a sister, and that my uncle is a father to him. But I'm pretty sharp, and though I am

Thus am I doubly arm'd: my death and life, My bane and antidote are both before me: This in a moment brings me to an end; But this informs me I shall never die. The soul, secured in her existence, smiles At the drawn dagger, and defies its point. The stars shall fade away, the sun himself Grow dim with age, and nature sink in years; But thou shalt flourish in immortal youth, Unhurt amidst the wars of elements, The wrecks of matter, and the crush of worlds. What means this heaviness that hangs upon me? This lethargy that creeps through all

I was just thinking of this Star Trek convention I went to a couple of years ago. Shatner was there. I always wanted to see him. I grew up with Captain Kirk, so... I'm at this convention—nerds everywhere—waiting for Shatner...

"Love. noun. A feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; preeminent kindness or devotion to another; affection; tenderness. Whatever you do in your life, do it with love." My English teacher told me that on the last day of my senior year in high school. He always was a bit melodramatic. He believed that all of his students would change the world one-day. He believed that everything they did was on a grand epic scale. He gave us Dum-Dums on that last day too saying, "Ignorance

Fuck you, Thomas! I'll curse as much as I goddamned want to. And right now I fucking want to. I don't give a damn what you think, Thomas. Paul's dead. He's dead, gone. Shuffled off his mortal coil, bitten the big one, kicked his boots up. He's gone off to meet his maker, if we have a maker, and Charon is taking him there. God damn you, Paul, why didn't you see me, we - [beat] No! no, don't damn Paul. Damn God! [looking up] You hear me? Go piss on yourself! While you're at

Hey Seth, how have you been? Long time; no see. I guess it hasn't been too long for you, has it? A lot has happened to me. You're going to find something out tomorrow that I'm hoping will upset you. I didn't mean to upset you but - I hope you care enough to be upset. As much as I don't really want to say it, I want you to be upset. I know it's selfish, so, while I'm being selfish, I want you to understand, too. You know how I usually

This isn't supposed to be serious, I mean, it's true, for pity's sake, and when was the last time you took a long, hard look at your life without laughing? Real life is funny, man. It takes some hardcore fiction to be serious, to teach you a lesson. Like I said before, there isn't a lesson here, it's just... here. But look at Ben. He was just trying to defend the honor of his girlfriend. No one does that these days. And you know why? Because of people like me. People like me who

Weird? You think I'm weird? You come into my basement, which, by the way, is owned by Texas today, and you start yelling at people because of the music that's playing! What a weak will you must have, eh? But I suppose that's not weird, is it? No, of course not. It's completely normal to just go along with the flow and do whatever everyone else is doing and never taking the time to question what's going on or where you're going. It's perfectly

You still should have told them about the memory, it's worth remembering. That's the whole point of the memory play, really, is that whatever your remembering is worth remembering. Why do it half way? You might not do it at all if you're going to do it like that. Let me tell you a little something about Magic night. Magic night was something that happened for two years. Actually, it wasn't even two years, but time went so slowly then, especially compared to now, it could have been a lifetime. Magic

[Angrily] Halt, ruffian, halt! Thou in thy giant arms Bearest away my Urvasie! He has Soared up from a great crag in the sky And wars me, hurling downward bitter rain Of arrows. With this thunderbolt I smite thee. I am deceived! This was a cloud Equipped for rain, no proud and lustful fiend, The rainbow, not a weapon drawn to kill, Quick-driving showers are these, not sleety rain Of arrows; and that brilliant line like streak Of gold upon a touchstone, cloud-inarmed, I saw, was lightning, not my Urvasie. Where shall I find her now? Where clasp those thighs Swelling and smooth and white? This

Babe, can we talk? Sweetheart? Can I come in? You're right, you know. You're right, there, you see, I'm admitting it, you are right, we don't know each other as well as we should, but do you know something else? That's not all my fault. Hey, you see what you've done, you've got me talking, isn't that every girl's dream, talking. "Honey let's talk". Babe? Sweetie? I know I'm a bit crass, a bit loud sometimes but do you know what? I am capable of emotion, and I thought that maybe if

How can you just fucking sit there and deny everything you are? I'm sorry, I know this is "none of my business" and you and Cathy like your little fantasy world where it's perfectly fucking normal for you to marry her but go out for boys on the side every weekend. But then what, Gavin? What happened to your first marriage, did the lies ever get too much for you, did you ever stop and think that you were killing yourself every fucking day by pretending to be something you're

It was a typical day at the V&A Waterfront. 10 000 fish swam in the harbour. 5000 tourists thronged the malls, clicking 5987 cameras. 4000 credit cards were swiped at the 478 retail outlets. 2000 seagulls chided each other, enjoying target practice on the 1946 cars and tour busses (bonus points for bald heads). 1000 cups each of coffee, beer, tea and Coke sustained the teenagers lusting after romance and a quick kiss, the twenty somethings lusting after love and a quick shag, the thirty somethings lusting after acceptance and

This is lovely... It's really lovely to be here with you, you know, alone. I mean I miss the kids but it's lekker to be just the two of us, you know, and to not be worrying about cleaning up, or... stuff, you know? And look how lovely you are in that dress, man, I'm going to have the most gorgeous woman in the place tonight, I'll have to fight off all the other guys who want to get close to you! Look at these hands. These hands have fed, cleaned

Jack and Fran in the hospital cafeteria, at a table, sipping tea. JACK: "You know, it isn't so simple, to stand on the outside and watch something so, so primitive, so profound..."

I sold her a ticket that night. I only recognized her because... we played four-square together once. She introduced herself. I don't really remember anything we said, but she seemed sweet. I didn't know her last name until I saw the article in the paper. It said that she was a sophomore and a journalism major. She was from Joliet. She had a younger sister in high school, named Carolyn. I don't know why I remember everything about that article. Her picture... was in black and white and it was

I've been sending this show all over the fucking country, Kim. And you mean to tell me I did all of that for nothing? I've got the chance of a lifetime here - Christ, you too. You may never get another opportunity like this one. Just because you hate it - what gives you the right to punish me, to take this awayfrom me? I mean, come on! Do you think anyone would have produced the show you wrote? It was so... gooey. Sappy, sentimental, cheesy, corny, and Hallmark. Lifetime-made-for-TV-movie, Bridges-of-Madison-County, Oprah-book-of-the-month-club

I've never been able to say why... why I left. And, I think it was... that I just felt so... horrible. Guilty and... unworthy. I didn't deserve to live, when so many other people have to die. And I didn't deserve to have someone love me the way you do... and trust me so much. When we first jumped off this building... I found your devotion so inspiring, so moving... but after a while, it just started to weigh on me, and... everything that had comforted me started to torture

This one time, I told my dad about how David and I were walking through the hallway and one of the jocks came up behind him and yelled, "Fag!" And my dad asked me if David was. And I was just, like, "Yeah, David's gay." And my dad asked me why I would be hanging out with someone who is gay. And I didn't say anything, and then he said, "Seth, you're not gay, are you?" And for a minute, I wanted to tell him... you know... everything.

All right! Y'all heard her! She admits this is him. This is the man we want. Gimme that walkie-talkie. (Into the walkie-talkie.) All right, Billy. Cut the lights back up. . .This here's the Invisible Empire. Standin' right here. Take a good look at us, Charlie-boy. We gonna take care a'you fer awhile. Yes, ma'am. We gonna take Charlie off yer hands. Treat him real nice, too, on account a' he's gonna be our hostage. An' you know what the rest a' you's gonna do?. Jest disappear. You gonna get

Don't tell me you've never seen a knife. Knife. That's a knife. Use it to cut things. Cut things. (Mimes) Like - ham. If we had some ham. Or bacon, or sump'm. I can't believe you don't -. (Looks around for help. There is none.) Or butter. If we had some butter, you could use it to spread it on - . You don't really need it. No, you don't need it. (Demonstrating.) Put it down. Bad Uh - . (Charlie now holds a spoon.) Yeah, now that's your

You missed out, Mr. Bean; the golden years were really something! I could do what I likedthere were still plenty of beautiful women and fine bottles of wine to enjoy. I became known for my extravagant parties. Oh, I never paid a penny out of my own pocket. All of these things

You remember Lord Carlsbad? Lonely old bugger. Lots of money. No children. Well, I'd spoken kindly to him on occasioneven took him out to dinner once or twice. He was so grateful that one day, quite out of the blue, he promised to make me his sole heir. His sole heir! He's

[In a heavy Italian accent] Ah, Signor, how do? I am ver' glad to see you. [Smiling] Si, Signor, I come-a back. I make-a de treep to Italia--I make-a de treep back to New York. . . . Si, I make-a de mon'--I got il bottega--il magazino--what you call--shop. Na,

I told you -- I'm through with being a thief, so help me God! I'll quit! If I say so, I'll do it! I can read and write -- I'll work -- He's been telling me to go to Siberia on my own hook -- let's go there together, what do you say? Do you think I'm not disgusted with my whole life? Oh -- Natasha -- I know . . . I see . . . I console myself with the thought that there are lots of people who are honored and respected -- and

Some one has to be kind, girl -- some one has to pity people! Christ pitied everybody -- and he said to us: "Go and do likewise!" I tell you -- if you pity a man when he most needs it, good comes of it. Why -- I used to be a watchman on the estate of an engineer near Tomsk -- all right -- the house was right in the middle of a forest -- lonely place -- winter came -- and I remained all by myself. Well -- one night I heard a noise

There -- you say -- truth! Truth doesn't always heal a wounded soul. For instance, I knew of a man who believed in a land of righteousness. He said: "Somewhere on this earth there must be a righteous land -- and wonderful people live there -- good people! They respect each other, help each other, and everything is peaceful and good!" And so that man -- who was always searching for this land of righteousness -- he was poor and lived miserably -- and when things got to be so bad with him that it seemed there

Without you, I'm as lonely as an abandoned dog on the side of the highway. I have gift anxiety even if I don't know when your birthday is…

"Hi. I'm Max. I'm 35 and I have two children and a very beautiful wife. I work in the commercial industry. Well, advertising industry. I'm a commercial director. Fairly successful. What am I saying? I'm really successful. My commercials win awards in Europe. Well, enough about me. Before, I used to work with my friend. Charlie. Well, I'm in New York for business, just overnight, so I'm gonna go meet him. Charlie's gay. Well, I'm not gay. Charlie is gay. But...and he recently found out he is HIV positive. Man,

Oh, very well, if you're so keen on it. But remember, you suggest it. I never said I wanted to separate from you--if I had, I wouldn't be here now.... You, on account of your love for me, have tyrannized over me, bothered me, badgered me, nagged me, for fifteen years. You have interfered with me, taken my time and strength, and prevented me from accomplishing great works for the good of humanity. You have crushed my soul, which longs for serenity and peace, with your perpetual complaining!....But you

I said what are your intentions Johnny? I know. You come here to Phoenix to sell me your frames, maybe fit in some 'gars and golf. But intentions; The fact of the matter is John our father's taught us well. Price. Margins. Inventory. The power of a handshake. Live to close. Close to live. "Never make them buy a product, you make them buy-- an opportunity." You have one. Ten Grand is a fair deal. But what exactly. Are. Your. Intentions. [Greg is about to putt, but stops short.]

I knew this professor in college, a physicist and he said there are these things called wormholes in time. Holes that can theoretically transport people to their other realities. Ya see, somewhere in another reality we have made the other decisions the choices we didn't make! In another reality this

I said what are your intentions Johnny? I know. You come here to Phoenix to sell me your frames, maybe fit in some 'gars and golf. But intentions The fact of the matter is John our father's taught us well. Price. Margins. Inventory. The power of a handshake. Live to close. Close

No, no, let me--you won't get it straight. Please, gentlemen, don't let Petr Ivanovich stop me. I'll tell it all in order. As soon as I had the pleasure of leaving you, right after you had permitted yourselves to be disturbed by the letter you had received, I ran at once--please don't stop me, Petr Ivanovich--I know what you would say. So I, as you will please see, ran to Korobkin, but not finding him at home I turned to Rastakabski, and not finding him at home, I went to Ivan Kuzmich to inform him of the

Well, yes, I calkerlate it is a little quiet here Fer one who's b'en about the world and traveled fur an' near; But maybe 'cause I never lived no other place, to me

I don't give a hoot about posterity. Why should I worry about what people think of me when I'm as dead as a doornail, anyway? My worst defect is that I am apt to worry too much...."

The magnificence of the Ambersons began in 1873. Their splendor lasted throughout all the years that saw their Midland town spread and darken into a city. In that town in those days, all the women who wore silk or velvet knew all the other women who wore silk or velvet and everybody knew everybody else's family horse and carriage....."

I never shall furgit the night when father hitched up Dobbin, An' all us youngsters clambered in an' up the road went bobbin' To school where we was kep' at work in every kind o' weather,

Qed, if I saw a man eating grass I'd say he was hungry. They'd have him certified. They claim snow is only precipitation and not candied dew, and the single heart-beat only the contraction and dilation of the central organ of the vascular system. Whroom......"

Hello everybody, is Edgar here yet? Ah, there he is. Hello Edgar, how is life? (Cell rings). I'll be right with you. Uno momento, please. (Talks on the phone) Hello? Hello killer, how are you? Squash at 5? Let's make it 5:15. I'm in a little presentation here. Ok, you got it, see you there. (Hangs up). So, Edgar, how do you feel? Don't answer a question with a question, just tell me, how do you feel? Please tell me, how do you feel? Well, now you know how your

What in tarnation are you laughing at? Then shut up! Only idiots laugh at nothing. When I was called down from the red clay hills where I was born...barefoot and hungry, called by the voice of God, which I was...(phone rings) .Will somebody pick up that damn phone? I ain't never forgot what I was called for. I didn't build a land of milk and honey only to see some egghead...I've hawked and spit all my life and I'll go on hawking and spitting til the end of my days.

You still resent my not being in the hospital with you, don't ya? You know it, uh -- it wasn't my decision. Things had gotten so out of hand between your mother and me by then that I -- Hell, I didn't want to be in your room and make it worse. I did something that day that I'd never done in my life. I didn't tell your mother the truth. Called in sick, and then I left like I was going to work. And I didn't tell your mother

Yeah, well. The truth of the matter is, John Wintergreen, you don't know your own ass from a row of rat shit in a windstorm. Hi there. I am talking to myself. But I ain't listening. You're supposed to listen to your inner voices. They tell you what to do.... ...continued...

I trust no man. I can read lies in their faces, I see intrigue in their protestations. Their eyes, their mouths, their hands, their whole body lies. Suspicion poisons every thought I have. I was intended for a quieter existence. I love men, and I wish to believe in them. But how can I, when I see them perjure themselves ten times a day, sell themselves, their friends, their armies, their Patrie, for motives of fear, or ambition, or viciousness, or malevolence pure and simple? I have seen Mirabeau, Lafayette, Dumouriez, Custine, the king, the aristocrats, the Girondins,

Look at those nasty scoundrels, those blue toads, those idiotic fools! Just because they're titled, they think they can make laws for free men! Bourgeois! The moment four of them gather together, they form committees and spoil good paper with their rules and regulations!

I was lying there on my back. I could smell the avocado blossoms. I could hear the coyotes. I could hear stock cars squealing down the street. I could feel myself....

Look at me now. Impotent. Can't strike a kill unless the charts are right. Stuck in my image. Stuck in a mansion. Waiting. Waiting for a kid who's probably just like me...."

Just been listening to that stupid bastard I took myself for thirty years ago, hard to believe I was ever as bad as that. Thank God that's all done with anyway. (Pause) The eyes she had!....

I want to say what I have to say and then I'll take you wherever you want to go....Yeah, I was shocked that day. I'm an Irish cop from Queens. My father was a cop. All I knew about black people what that they hated me and they made my job hard. We met at Brooklyn Law and everything changed for me. They're right -- love can do that to you. I loved being in love with a girl from the 34. It made me feel anything's possible in this

See, I -- I don't know what the fuck this guy's on, see...but he just sits there with that shit-eatin' grin on his face. Yeah. So fuck it. I figure I gotta straighten him out a little bit. So I says, "You got a right to remain silent...as long as you can stand the pain." There's nothing. Not a fucking dent! Not a fucking dent. So, "Fuck it. I'll take him in back to print him." (He pretends to grab one of the cops listening). He pulls away from me. He's

In my experience, the worst thing you can do to an important problem is discuss it..."

That nine year old kid, Judy Miller...they're gonn let her play baseball with the boys. How'd you like that. Father had to go to court but they're gonna let her play, I think it's terrific. I mean, who the hell notices at that age? If the kid's a good ball player, what's the difference if she's a girl? Father must be a hell of a guy, he took it all the way to court, huh?.......They play but they don't play on dirt anymore, they play on plastic. Ballplayers are a

The very first time that I saw you, I thought to myself, Damn, now there's a woman that would never go out with me. I hovered around you so many times, trying to find a way to ask you out. You just seemed so unattainable. I mean, look at you. You're just so damned beautiful. I never thought that someone as gorgeous as you would ever even consider a regular guy like me. I was about to give up, then, out of nowhere, you just started talking to me. Then,

Harry and I had started to town with a load of potatoes. We came along the road from my place and as I got here I said, I'm going to see if I can't get John Wright to go in with me on a party telephone.' I spoke to Wright about it once before

Now is my way clear, now is the meaning plain: Temptation shall not come in this kind again. The last temptation is the greatest treason: To do the right deed for the wrong reason...

Honey, I told you I thoroughly checked on these stories! Now wait till I finish. The trouble with Dame Blanche was that she couldn't put on her act any more in Laurel!...."

I started to have bad dreams. Nightmares, and cold sweats at night, and I had palpitations, and on my leaves I got drunk and woke up in strange places with faces on the next pillow I'd never seen before. My eyes had a wild look in them in the mirror. I got the idea I wouldn't live through the war, that I wouldn't come home, that all the excitement and glory of being Chance Wayne would go up in smoke at the moment of contact between my brain and a

Stumblejohn! I shouldn't have done that - that was way off the beam. You don't smoke, do you? Would you care for a mint?..."

Heaven knows with what unwillingness and hate I enter this damn'd place. But such extremes Of wrongs in love fight 'gainst religious knowledge, That were I led by this disease to deaths As numberless as creatures that must die, I could not shun the way. I know what 'tis To pity madmen now; they're wretched things That ever were created, if they be Of woman's making and her faithless vows. I fear they're now a-kissing. What's a'clock? 'Tis now but suppertime, but night will come, And all new-married couples make

I dunno...but whenever I see her I just wanna...you know, I wanna....undress her....I wanna tie her up. I wanna pump her. Pump, pump, pump til she screams bloody murder. And then I wanna flip her ass over and pump her even more. And so hard that my dick shoots right through her. And that my...come squirts out her mouth....And not that I could ever.....

I have no desires. None...There was a messenger...that's right. We were sent for. (He wheels at Rosecrantz and raps out). Syllogism the second: one, probability is a factor which operates within natural forces....

Malcolm knows he needs me around and he can't live without me. You all say you love Malcolm and want what's best for him, so therefore you should appreciate all that I do for him. We have been friends for almost ten years and I have helped him get through the most despairing hours. I helped him deal with situations that would've deprived the sharpest minds of their sanity. Yet every time someone meets me, they just want him to kick me out. (mimicking) You don't need him, Malcolm. He's

A story begins. A child is born. He grows into a man. He experiences happiness. He meets a girl. They fall in love. They get married. They have children. The children grow up and move away. There's a fifty percent chance that he and his wife will stay together. (Flips a coin.) Hmm. by himself now, the man grows old. Older. Older. And dies. The end. Not very satisfying is it? And why? The story had no conflict. Conflict is struggle, a quest, a battle, a challenge, a longing, an

Avast, ye landlubbers! Cursed be all who cast their eyes upon the stage. Cursed, says I! Ha! Hahahaha! Arg, fooled you, didn’t I?! Don’t worry, you’re not cursed! That was just my way a scaring off the faint of heart. Now that we’ve thinned out their ranks, let’s get down to business. Let me guess. You’ve come looking for a story. But not just any yarn. You want a tale of high adventure. Methinks it might be a pirate story that you’re itching for. Well, it just so happens that

I’ll never forget that storm. In one moment, the night was still and as black as tar. An instant later, a howlin’ wind roared in! The rain pelted the ocean. Lightning spat. Thunder belched. It was as if there was trouble brewing beneath the waves. And then, just as the rain and the lightning and the thunder began their mighty battle – it all stopped. And the morning sun came out as if nothing had ever happened. Well, that storm may be over, but I still say that trouble’s a-brewin’.

Oh, you do not remember anything? Nor do I. We must both be plagued with amnesia, a foggy blight of forgetfulness caused by our mutual head trauma. Tell me stranger, do I seem familiar to you? For thy beauteous face seems a pleasing mystery. Sadly, I recall nothing, yet I have an idea as to our dire situation. Clear it is that we are strongly attracted to each other. Perhaps you and I met, not long ago, and blessed by love at first sight, we devoted ourselves to one another,

Sayin’ it’s “hotter than Hades” is a common misconception. Hades ain’t all that hot. It’s humid but it ain’t scorchin’. Wanna know how I know? You see there was this Greek Goddess, Percy-phony. And uh, Hades kidnapped her and spirited her away to the underworld. And they had a garden with pomegranates and such, so it couldn’t of been too hot or the fruit wouldn’t grow. Percy-phony’s Greek Goddess Mama was awful sad that she had to marry against her will, so spring and summer sort of dried up and

You there! Yes you. Little human in your stupid little boat and your funny little yellow hat and raincoat that makes you look like a rubber ducky. Why are you standing up? You should be kneeling down. Do you know who I am, you little oxygen-inhaling freak? Anytime you stick your head in the water, you are in my kingdom. I am Emperor Tropico, ruler of all the seas. The dreaded sharks cower in my presence. the monstrous squid looks at my and cries like a little girl. I am

Yyyyyyyyyyyou aren't very bright, are you? You commit sacrilege as you bumble through these sacred halls. You defile my royal resting place and dare to steal my amulet. I would love nothing better than to tear you to pieces. Fortunately for you, I'm feeling a bit under the weather. When I was a younger mummy, only 800 years old or so, I could mutilate grave robbers all afternoon. Now all it takes is one decapitation and I'm ready for a nap. No, I shall not kill you, lowly one. But

Hey! Don't touch that! That's my orange! MINE!!! Sorry. I'm sorry. I ... I don't mean to be stingy. I'm sure you're very hungry, but I can't allow you to eat this orange. It's just that ... well, it's

I wonder what we're doing here. [Pause.] Perhaps we've come to collect seashells. Although, if that's the case, we haven't been very successful, have we?

WHERE IS HE?! He ... he said he'd always be here! And now ... he's ... it's all ... it's all falling apart ... and he's not ... he's not here to ... to put it all ... [Pause.]

Now that my life is drawing to a close, I have only regrets. Regrets that the woman that I shared my life with is not the one that I loved the most deeply. Regrets that there is no love between my son and myself. That is my fault. Regrets that perhaps I have been too severe with my daughter. Too demanding that I haven't given her enough feeling...I was so unhappy myself so caught up in those stupid studies of historical figures. Even though I have achieved some eminence in

Miss Meyers, can you just answer me just one qestion?...Why is it that I have to take P.E. every stinking year, because really...I want to know. I mean every year, it's exactly the same, I'm forced to humiliate myself in front of the rest of the class. It's not so bad for

Hi Jen, what's up? Say, you don't happen to know this girl named Lydia that goes to our school, do you? She's in our World History class. She sits in the back...You know... the girl with the light brown hair and the big beautiful smile. (beat) Yeah, that's the one. What do you think of her? I

"Don't 'but - Albert' me, Rose! You are merely woman. I am man! Woman's job is to obey and keep the house clean! And speak only when she is spoke to! And my first command, woman, is for you to get our bags and be down at the station by six-thirty tomorrow morning...when I intend to be there with Conrad! And I further command you to bring whatever legal documents are necessary because I intend on making you Mrs. Albert Peterson by 2400 hours tomorrow! Roger, over, and out! ...Rose,

(into phone) A lot of nerve these people have, you know. Yogurt! I mean who would have thought in an age of cold war thaw that...well, listen, David, you spend your life staring at 64 squares, you start to go a bit cuckoo after a while, I mean chess is a violent sport. David, listen to me, the chances of getting FREDDIE to pose for a photo with the Russian are less than zero. Unless you're talking about the cover. Now that would be different, wouldn't it? Shhh. Time Life.

(on top of doghouse, speaking over music) Here's the World One I flying ace high over France in his Sopwith Camel, searching for the infamous Red Baron! I must bring him down! Suddenly, anti-aircraft fire, 'archie' we used to called it, begins to burst beneath my plane. The Red Baron has spotted me. Nyahh, Nyahh, Nyahh! You can't hit me! (aside) Actually, tough flying aces never say 'Nyahh, Nyahh, Nyahh'. I just, ah...Drat this fog! It's bad enough having to fight the Red Baron without having to fly in weather

(They sit quietly, looking up out toward the street.) I mean, I was just walking down the street and they came up on me like they was important, and they start pushing me around, you know. And they pushed me into this alley, not an alley, but this hallway and back down the end of that to this dark place at the end of the hallway and they start punching at me, and I just fell into this ball on the floor so they couldn’t hurt me or nothing. But

All right, boys and girls! Attention, please! Attention! Thank you. It sure is fine turnout tonight. We want to make friends here, so we're going to have a few get-together dances. You form two circles: boys on the outside and girls on the inside. All right. Now when the music stops, each boy dances with whichever girl is opposite. O.K.? O.K. Two circles, kids. Well, it won't hurt you to try.

At exactly six o'clock tonight I came home from work. My wife, Myra, was in her room getting dressed for the party. I got a bottle of champagne from the refrigerator and headed upstairs. Rosetta, the cook, was in the kitchen with Romero, her son. I tapped on her door. She opens it. I hand her a glass of champagne. We drink, we kiss, and we toast. We drink, we kiss, we toast again...By seven o'clock the bottle is finished, my wife is sloshed, and I'm completely toasted. Suddenly, a

Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? C ourage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?

Hi Mom, how's work? Do you think we're going to stick around this time? I sure hope so, I feel like I'm starting like this school..Hey I made you some supper...would you like something to drink with it? (Beat) Great! (Timidly) Hey Mom? You know, since we've been moving around, I hadn't really had a chance to make

Hmmm. Eliza, you are to stay here for the next six months learning how to speak beautifully, like a lady in a florist shop. If you're good and do whatever you are told, you shall sleep in a proper bedroom, have lots to eat, and money to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis. But if you are naughty and idle you shall sleep in the back kitchen amongst the black beetles, and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce with a broomstick. At the end of six months you shall be

How humiliating. Max Bialystock! Max Bialystock! You know who I used to be? Max Bialystock! King of Broadway! Six shows running at once! Lunch at Del Monaco's, $200 suits. You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye!… Look at me now. Look at me now! I'm wearing a cardboard belt! I used to have thousands of investors begging, pleading to put their money into a Max Bialystock production. Look at my investors now… voila! Hundreds of little old ladies stopping at Max Bialystock's office to

I always make it a rule to smoke in the can. And what else is a room with half-breeds in it, eh, Riff? Clear out, Spics. Sure; it's a free country and I ain't got the right. But it's a country with laws: and I can find the right. I got the badge, you got the skin. It's tough all over. Beat it! Say, where's the rumble gonna be? Ah, look: I know regular American don't rub with the gold-teeth otherwise. The river? The park? [Silence.] I'm for you. I

We can't strike. Why not? Because it's against the law to strike! The king has declared that everything is a crime. Writing is a crime. Two weeks ago, the police destroyed the Galaty, the worker's newspaper. They smashed the press. They burned over two thousand newspapers but that didn't satisfy the king. Three days ago at a student meeting, a peaceful meeting, soldiers broke it up and arrested two of my friends. Writing, talking, going to class, speaking out is a crime. Being poor is a crime. Being poor is

Well either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community. Well, you got trouble my friend. Right here, I say, trouble right here in River City. Why sure I'm a billiard player, certainly mighty proud to say, I'm always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden. Help ya cultivate horse

Well, as you guessed, Hope took over her father's business, instituting a series of reforms which opened the public bathrooms to all the people, to pee for free whenever they liked, as much as they liked, for as long as they liked, with whomever they liked. The UGC was renamed, "The Bobby Strong Memorial Toilet Authority" and was operated as a public trust for the benefit of the people. Of course, it wasn't long before the water turned silty, brackish and then disappeared altogether. As cruel as Caldwell B. Cladwell

Well, kiddies, that's what happened to Tommy today. But, what about his friend Jeff? Well, he had fun too. Tonight he went running off through the woods after some highland hot-head who was gonna make all the people disappear by crossing the wrong street. Well after a while, Jeff thought he saw a bird perched low in a tree, and he shot at it. Something fell to the ground. He rushed over to it, and whaddya think it was? It was hot-head Harry. Yessir, the boy Dermish himself, lying there

When I was a boy, I carried my heart in my hand... so... when this man came to our town - though my father said he was good - I thought he was bad. I was young... He attracted all the mean and cruel people to him. Soon he was running our town! He could do anything - take anything - I did not like that. I was young. I stood up in the public square and made a speech. I called upon everyone to stand with me against this

When I was a lad of eighteen, our King died in London and left no one to succeed him; only a sword stuck through an anvil which stood on a stone. Written on it in letters of gold it said: "Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil is rightwise King bom of all England." Many chaps tried to dislodge it, and none could. Finally a great tournament was proclaimed for New Year's Day, so that all the mightiest knights in England would be assembled at one time

You know, not many people knew it, but the Führer was a terrific dancer. (now shouting with rage) That is because you were taken in by that verdammte Allied propaganda! Such filthy lies! They told lies! But nobody ever said a bad word about Winston Churchill, did they? No! "Win with Winnie!" Churchill! With his cigars, with his brandy. And his ROTTEN painting! Rotten! Hitler, THERE was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! TWO COATS! Churchill. He couldn't even say "Nazi". He would say "Nooooozeeehz,

If there was one word to describe my mother it would be...How do I put this delicately? She was... (searching for the right word) She was.... She was Crazy!

We all make mistakes in life, Charlie. They chase us down. For some of us it's the tiniest turn off the path, and for some... well. This one goes into the wrong alley at night. That one buys his pot from the wrong dealer.

New around here? (Beat) Yeah. Don’t live here, though. (Gestures) Live out in the suburbs. Job brought me here. I’m on a lunch break. (Beat) I’m in the movie business.

We had this wok. We got it for our wedding. She registered
for it. I really never understood why. We’re not Asian. I’m not
racist, but it’s not like either one of us knew how to use the thing.

Let me tell you a lesson about life! Ok? Life is not… What do you do? You sell Girl Scout cookies? Ok, let me tell you something.

People have called me a hero, a killer, a saint and a psychopath. They even used to say the first three all in the same sentence: hero, killer, saint.

You know, I had sex two weeks ago. With this one girl from Tennessee. Well, I had sex last night with a girl from Tennessee, also.

Hello? Hello … yeah I know this is Vic Silver's office. I helped pay for most of it ... the Danish modern furniture … the new carpeting … the phony Chagalls on the wall ... but who the hell are you?

Yes. It’s… exactly how I remember it. (Camielle smiles) When you first arrive, they stick you in these smaller rooms. They want you out there meeting people.

Do not bethink me invalid

Just for my graying beard. For I have fought

A thousand wars, and seen a million years.

Only through a child’s awe is the world innocent and free, then it all becomes a matter of responsibilities. A place, where love is sensuality of a moment:

How many of you have ever had to wear braces?

Bartender. Whiskey. 4 fingers of Jack. Straight.

You know what it’s like to raise a retard? Do ya? God damn you, boy, you know what it’s like to raise you?

I hate cruelty. If there’s one thing I’ve always hated, it’s cruelty. I’m a peaceful person. I keep to myself, and I’m polite, and I never hurt others.

Sex with dead people? You know, you… put it like that, it sounds awful. But, it’s really not that bad. Of course, you… have to lubricate.

It’s fitting. It’s finally fitting. (He chuckles, sadly) Professor Church, I think you’ll be finding this house mighty fitting for a president of any university, and especially ours.

Eighty years. That's funny isn't it? Like one of those ludicrously over-sized foam hands they sell at ball games. Funny stuff right? Seriously, you can't make this up.

Oh, Joe! I've been thinkin' about that question you asked me, about the penis. Not the second one, wherein you so graciously offered yours to my sight.

I had been in India for about two months, casually touring the
countryside. On this particular leg of the trip, I was on the way from
Agra, where I had visited the only thing to see in Agra, the Taj Mahal,
going to Benares to observe the bathing in the Ganges.

It was the spring of 1969 when I joined the Army. Got myself right out of graduate school. It was the first time since I was five when I wasn’t in school.

I just wanted someone to talk to. But… he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore…

I can’t sleep. It’s four AM and I’ve been up all night, thinking vivid thoughts as I sit on the edge of the bed. My girl’s hair is curled around my fingers and I think of something sharp.

Laura? Laura? Remember the little boat we had on Harrison Lake
and how one night we rowed off until we felt that in the whole
world there were only the two of us, you and me?

Yo! What’s up, homes? You miss me? Cause I sure as hell miss you, brother.

I have been on one road trip before. The summer after we first got together, Melissa took a summer internship at this PR firm in St. Louis, and she asked me to drive her out.

I am not a murderer. It isn't murder when you kill vermin: cockroaches, rats, weasels. Because that's what they were: two legged vermin.

Ah, thou vexeth me.

I long to see thee smile. Come, stand next

To me; and we’ll gaze upon the earth awhile.

Hi. I'm Fred. I just want you people to know before I get started that what I'm going to tell you is the straight stuff. I don't pussy-foot around.

You wanna smoke some weed? (JEFF continues playing his video game) Yo, I said you wanna smoke some weed?

It was with a certain sense of weightlessness that I found

myself driving to our local box superstore.

Because you’re fucking gorgeous, dahling! It’s true, I admit it. I was quite taken by your absolute yumminess.

He wasn’t always evil. And that’s what hurts the most, you know? I… remember playing baseball when I was younger.

Out of the starting gate, let me say that I find it difficult to believe you’d give a moment’s thought to my insignificant existence.

When I was younger my mom had this caramel colored dress that she’d wear to church every Sunday. It was the only one she had because we didn’t have a lot of money back then.

Thy words

Bring rivers to my eyes. Please, forgive

My imposition. I’ll not ask thee anymore.

I know this guy ever since I was a kid. And every time something comes up we get into an argument over it. If it’s raining out and I tell him its raining, he’ll say, No, man, that’s not rain, that’s mist.

Sure, most kids I know who had mothers who stayed at home had happier childhoods than the rest of us.

I watched your father die. (He looks at her) There was nothing I could do. I had just come home from shopping and I heard the gun go off upstairs.

Mortimer’s Magic. This is Mortimer. (Small pause) Yes ma’am, I do all of that. Juggling, acrobatics. Yes, fire breathing as well.

I was there when my father died. Right by his side. Hell, almost on top of him, because I was more than just “there” when his heart beat its final beat, I pretty much lead him by the hand to death’s door.

I’ve got a really cool uncle, his name’s Bill. Whenever my parents have to go somewhere, they take me to his place on the other side of town.

Winston was behind me. All of a sudden Ah'uz lifted twenty feet in the air. Ah' woke up lookin' up at the stars.

It’z like one spoiled roll…
Yeah, one spoiled roll, you’ve ruined my breakfast…

Here I am, this very day, standing at what seems to be, the end of the earth.

I… don't know why I did it. I… really liked her though, you know? But she sent me…

Oh, you fags are all alike. You come in here, seeking answers. And redemption.

You know what gets me, though, man? You know what really pisses me off? You know, with this whole “theater” thing?

Oh, you goose. God himself could not oppress me.

I gave no whimpered pleas.

When I was five I got a budgie for Christmas. My big sister named him Couscous and I taught him to say “Hello Polly,” which wasn’t either of our names, but hey, I was five.

W-E-L-C-O-M-E-!!!!!

To the future

Has this place changed me? No one for miles. No televisions. No computers. Or phones.

I'll tell you right now and I'll only say it once so you better slide up close and get both ears into it: I don't have to account to you or anyone else for my life.

When I was in Lowe's the other day I ran into Mr. Bradshaw. Growing up, he was a neighbor of ours. He asked about my folks.

You don't write Bible verses on restaurant receipts. It's not good business. And it's against the restaurant's policies.

You wanna know what my real problem is? It’s not the booze, it’s not the fights -it’s you!

There’s one thing I can tell you about superheroes. No matter which one you’re talking about – Spiderman, the Hulk, Catwoman – there’s no doubt I have this right.

I never knew my mum. She died of obstetrical hemorrhage during childbirth; severe bleeding. She lived long enough to hold me in her arms, look me in the eyes and say, “Sam.”

I have here in my hands a crisp one-hundred-dollar bill. That’s right- good old Ben Franklin himself- the real deal. And someone here in this audience will get to take Gentle Ben home with them tonight for the low, low price of… One hug.

It’s a four wheel drive. I’m supposed to be able to drive anywhere. I ran into a tree in the park.

People are so stupid! How do they survive day to day?

I broke up with my girlfriend last week. Every time we were together, I could only think of Rebekah --

Mister Congressman, sir. Esteemed people... ordinary folk,
much like myself, and all the rest of ya... I'm here to talk
about the new health care funding cuts, actually I want to
complain about `em.

Through a horrible miscalculation entirely of no one’s fault but my own, I found myself suddenly soulless in Santa Monica, California on a Tuesday with no transportation and a copy of Bukowski’s “Hot Water Music” as my lone companion.

Did you know reptile aliens have infiltrated our government? I ain’t just talkin’ ‘bout that show V. I’m talkin’ for real life.

It all started in this tent back in the sixties. I saw Jerry Garcia’s head swell up like a big balloon. I knew that Jerry’s head was forever!

Good morning class… Very good! Now on with… Timmy, you put that away. Today’s lesson is stereotypes.

Don’t worry. You are safe here with me. Most homeless people get a bad rep for being strange and off-putting.

This whole field is covered in blood. And then… shielded by a golden sea. No one knows the fertilizer that’s in this ground! It’s me! It comes from me!

It’s my blender, Jared. Mine. You can’t have it. No way. I’ll give you a frappe. I’ll give you a goddamn mango frappe. Right in the nose. It’s my blender.

Category: Male: Contemporary