Film/ TV Monologues - Monologues

Stop that! Stop it, stop it. I can bear the rest of it. I can't listen to that! Why do you take so long dying? You're going to die anyway! Oh, no. Oh no. You won't die. Oh, no. You won't die. They're only little wounds. You'll get home. You'll be all right. You'll get home long before I will. (He grabs some water to give to the soldier but then notices he is dead) You know I can't run away. That's why you accuse me. I tell you, I

Why are you looking at me like I have four heads?? I am telling you...the man is stalking me! I saw him with my own two eyes, early this morning, when i was out for a walk. He was lurking in front of Rupert's bakery...I mean, what weirdo is even UP at 4:15 in the morning?! Oh, but here's the real kicker! I saw him AGAIN this afternoon, he was chasing after this little french poodle through the park?! Well, I quickly came to the conclusion that the

I would like to say something your honor, not on my behalf, but in reference to my partner, Mr. Bialystock....your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Max Bialystock is the most selfish man I ever met in my life...Not only is he liar, and a cheat and a scoundrel, and a crook, who has taken money from

Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation! How humiliating. Max Bialystock! Max Bialystock! You know who I used to be? Max Bialystock! King of Broadway! Six shows running at once! Lunch at Del Monaco's, $200 suits. You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye!... Look at me now. Look at me now! I'm

Yeah, I was the kid...it got so that every pissant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must've killed more men than Cecil B Demille. Got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word draw in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street, and I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it Mister!" I spun around and there I was face to face with a six-year-old kid. Well I just threw my guns down and walked

Coke. You see, we drink it. It's a, it's a drink. You know, food. These are toys, these are little men. This is Greedo, and then this is Hammerhead, see this is Walrus Man, and this is Snaggletooth and this is Lando Calrissian See...and look, they can even have wars. Look at this. Look fish. Fish eat the

What did the duke do?...and the Doge do? Well, the doge did what a doge does. When a doge does his duty to a duke, that is...when the doge did his duty and the duke didn't, that's when the duchess did the dirt to the Duke with the doge...they were in the dark. The Duke with his dagge,

Took medical leave. It was making me sick. Burned out, I guess, wasn't up for it. One day, I got a call, for a jumper. A young Mexican girl. Pregnant, infected with AIDS, totally strung out. She was truly one of the doomed. And I asked her to come off the ledge and into my arms and she asked me why she should bother living. Cual es el punto de vivir? I was trained to tell her lots of things. Her dreams, all the people who'd miss her. But for

Do you know the first attraction I ever built when I first came here from Scotland? It was a flea circus...Petticoat Lane. It was quite spectacular. Spared no expense. There was a miniature merry-go-round and a wee trapeze and a car-carousel... and a see-saw. They all moved, motorized of course, but people would say they could see the

Don't you see the danger, John, in what you're doing here? Genetic force is the most awesome power the planet's ever seen, but you wield it like a kid that found his dad's gun. I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here. It didn't acquire any discipline to attain it. You read what others have done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourself so therefore you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses

Are you trying to seduce me? Well, I have to admit that I appreciate your directness, Darryl, and I will try to be as direct and honest with you as I possibly can be. I think-no, I am positive-that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short

I think... no, I am positive that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You're

Sorry. Just having a little trouble, a little trouble at home. A little domestic trouble. Nothing to be alarmed at, just a little...female problem. Hi! Don't pay any attention! It's a cheap trick! Anybody can do it, I taught it to them myself! Ungrateful little B!*CHES aren't they? Can I ask you something? You're all church going folk.

Because I can't. I had an experience I can't prove, I can't even explain it, but everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real. I was part of something wonderful, something that changed me forever; a vision of the Universe that tells us undeniably how tiny, and insignificant, and

Science fiction. You're right, it's crazy. In fact, it's even worse than that, it's nuts. You wanna hear something really nutty? I heard of a couple guys who wanna build something called an airplane, you know you get people to go in, and fly around like birds, it's ridiculous, right? And what about breaking the sound barrier, or

Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my war! You asked me I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win, for somebody who wouldn't let us win! Then I come back to the world, and I see all those maggots at the airport, protestin' me, spittin', callin'

Heehoo! Havin' trouble with the livin'? You tired of havin' your home space violated? Wanna get rid of them pesky livin critters once and for all? Well come on down and see me folks, I'm the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist. Yes siree! So come on down, and I'll tell ya, I'll do anything. I'll scare 'em real bad. Hell,

Listen, Coop. Last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this. Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm

Thank you very much. Hello Camp Firewood, hello. Thank you for having me. You know I went to sleepaway camp so long ago that it was the Stone Age. No, but seriously, it wasn't the Stone Age, it was the Ice Age. No, really it was the Stone Age. But folks actually I went to Camp Makluden in

That's why we call it The Majestic. Any man, woman, child could buy their ticket, walk right in. Here they'd be, here we'd be. "Yes sir, yes ma'am. Enjoy the show." And in they'd come entering a palace, like in a dream, like in heaven. Maybe you had worries and problems out there, but once you came through those doors, they didn't matter anymore. And you know why? Chaplin, that's why. And Keaton and Lloyd. Garbo, Gable, and Lombard, and Jimmy Stewart and Jimmy Cagney. Fred and Ginger. They were

Well, I listen to stories and decide if they'll make good movies or not. I get 125 phone calls a day, and if I let that slip to 100, I know I'm not doing my job. Everyone that calls, they want to know one thing: They want me to say "Yes" to them and make their movie. If

Are you desirable? Are you irresistable? Maybe if you drank bourbon with me, it would help. Maybe if you kissed me and I could taste the sting in your mouth it would help. If you drank bourbon with me naked. If you smelled of bourbon as you f#@ked me, it would help. It would increase my esteem for

The details of my life are quite inconsequential. (Pause) Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant

So there, I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So -

Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet....

Okay. I have a vestigial tail. It's more of a nub, really. The spine just goes on a little longer than it should. Also, I've dabbled. I mean, perform fellatio once and you're a poet, twice and you're a homosexual. I remember once I was being fisted by Sebastian Cabot- but here's where the story gets interesting. He

My brother and I, we were here for every game. Till he left for the war. I thought it'd be the same when he came back, but, uh, he talked a little less...and drank a little more. I promised my mother I would help him get through it all. So I caught up with him this one night

I was thinking the other day, uh, I remember I once took a date out for surf and turf, not knowing she was a vegetarian. So she ate bread and uh, and broke her tooth on a rye seed. We drove around all night looking for a, for an all-night dentist, and he was so drunk, he fixed

The man. Oh, you don't know the man? The man's everywhere: in the White House, down the hall, Miss Mullins; she's the man! And the man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! Okay! And there used to be a way to stick it to

You want me to teach you something? What? You want to learn something? Alright, here's a useful lesson: Give up! Just quit! Because in this life you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end your just gonna loose, BIG TIME! Because the world is run by the man! Frankie: Who? Dewey: The man. Oh, you don't know

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed

This is really fascinating, what's going on at this table. Let's take you and Erica. You've been around the block a few times. What are you, around 60? 63. Fantastic! Never married, which as we know, if you were a woman, would be a curse. You'd be an old maid, a spinster. Blah, blah, blah. So instead of pitying you, they write an article about you. Celebrate your never marrying. You're elusive and ungetable, a real catch. Then, there's my gorgeous sister here. Look at her. She is so accomplished. Most

I'm just a kid, and I don't know what I'm doing sometimes. But I think you should know better when you're all grown up. I think you should know how to act, and how to treat people. And I think if you once loved someone enough to marry them, you should at least be nice to them, even if you don't love 'em any more. And I think if you have a child, you should treat that child like a human being and not like a pet. Not like you

The fact that the candidate you're being asked to vote for is at this moment rotting in an English jail should put you off! Sure wasn't I in one myself 'till a week ago? They can jail us. They can shoot us. They can even conscript us. They can use us as cannon fodder in the sod. But...but

I play the guitar whenever I cannot sleep, and I meditate every morning, complete with chanting and burning incense, so if you have to walk around I'd appreciate a little tiptoeing. Also: I sleep in the nude. "Au buffo." Winter and summer, rain or snow, with the windows open. And because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night, and because I do not want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place, unless you're

Will you listen very, very carefully to me? Just for once--This may be the last time I ever talk to you. Not everyone in this world is after your magnificent body, lady. In the first place, it's not so magnificent. It's fair, but it ain't keeping me up nights, you know? I don't even think you're very pretty. Maybe if you smiled once and awhile, okay, but I don't want you to do anything against your religion. And you are not the only person in this city ever to get dumped on.

So, the day after I turned 18, I kissed the folks goodbye, got on a Trailways bus - and headed for the big bad apple. Cause I wanted to be a Rockette. I decided to be a Rockette because this girl in my home town - Louella Heiner - had actually gotten out and made it in New York. And she was a Rockette. Well, she came home one

Look, you're my student, you, you have a choice. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do; that is your choice. The reason *I* take cases -- and here I'm unlike most other lawyers, who are not professors and therefore have to make a living -- I take cases because I get pissed off. And

For most of the guys, killings got to be accepted. Murder was the only way that everybody stayed in line. You got out of line, you got whacked. Everybody knew the rules. But sometimes, even if people didn't get out of line, they got whacked. I mean, hits just became a habit for some of the guys. Guys would get into arguments over nothing and before you knew it, one of them was dead. And they were shooting each other all the time. Shooting people was a normal thing. It was no big deal. We had

It was easy for all of us to disappear. My house was in my mother-in-law's name. My cars were registered to my wife. My social security cards and driver's licenses were phonies. I never voted. I never paid taxes. My birth certificate and my arrest sheet, that's all you'd ever have to know I was alive. See, the hardest thing for me was leaving the life. I still love the life. And we were treated like movie stars with muscle. We had it all, just for the asking. Our wives, mothers, kids, everybody rode along. I had

The town will never be the same. After the Tangiers, the big corporations took it all over. Today it looks like Disneyland. And while the kids play cardboard pirates, Mommy and Daddy drop the house payments and Junior's college money on the poker slots. In the old days, dealers knew your name, what you drank, what you played. Today, it's like checkin' into an airport. And if you order room service, you're lucky if you get it by Thursday. Today, it's all gone. You get a whale show up with

Well, we weren't married to nine-to-five guys, but the first time I realized how different was when Mickey had a hostess party. They had bad skin and wore too much make-up. I mean, they didn't look very good. They looked beat-up. And the stuff they wore was thrown together and cheap. A lot of pant suits and double knits. And they talked about how rotten their kids were and about beating them with broom handles and leather belts. But that the kids still didn't pay any attention...After a while, it got to be all normal. None of

When you love someone, you've gotta trust them, there's no other way. You're got to give them the key to everything that's yours. Otherwise, what's the point? And for a while, I believed that's the kind of love I had. Before I ever ran a casino, or got myself blown up, Ace Rothstein was a hell of a handicapper, I can tell you that. I was so good, that whenever I bet, I could change the odds for every bookmaker in the country, I'm serious, I had it down so

You know, we always called each other good fellas. Like you said to, uh, somebody, 'You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a good fella. He's one of us.' You understand? We were good fellas. Wiseguys. But Jimmy and I could never be made because we had Irish blood. It didn't even matter that my mother was Sicilian. To become a member of a crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Italian so they can trace all your relatives back to the old country. See, it's the highest honor they can give you.

He must hate me. He hates me. I know he does. He looks at me like I'm the ugliest thing in the world. He doesn't like my friends. He doesn't like one thing about me. He called me - he called me a dirty tramp. My own father. I don't know if he means it. I mean maybe he doesn't mean it, but he acts like he does. We were together. We were gonna celebrate Easter and we were

Oh, no, no, no, this is not a gag, no. Honest. It was when I was in Canada. I used to slip over the border sometimes, and one night I heard some negress singing in a bar. If ever I saw any hope or strength in the human race, it was in the face of that old, fat negress

Look, everybody else in America's already been to Prague. What's the big deal if you send on extra? (Pause) I'm sorry. You see, I've been needing to go there for a long time now. I mean there's Czech and Slovakia, and a big Jewish cemetery, and the opera house. Maybe that's Vienna where the opera house is. But

Next day she said she's thought about it, and she wants a trial separation. She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date. Like this is supposed to cushion the blow. I mean I got married so I can stop dating. So I don't see where we can still date is any big incentive

No, no, no, I never said that. ...Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can. ...This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. ...That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the

Okay, she's going to meet him at the top of the Empire State Building, only she got hit by a taxi. And he waited and waited, and it was raining, I think. And then she's too proud to tell him that she's, uh, crippled. And he's too proud to find out why she doesn't come. But he comes

Well, how about this way? I love that you get cold when it's seventy one degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle above you nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I spend a day

When Joe and I first started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn't want to get married because anytime anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true, it's one of the secrets no one ever tells you. I would

I like to start my notes to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends -- as opposed to what we actually are, people who don't know each other's names and met in an "Over 30" chat room where we both claimed we'd never been before. What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I

I've called you here as freeborn Englishmen, loyal to our king. While he reigned over us, we lived in peace. But since Prince John has seized the regency, Guy of Gisbourne and the rest of his traitors have murdered and pillaged. You've all suffered from their cruelty - the ear loppings, the beatings, the blindings with hot irons, the burning of our farms and homes, the mistreatment of our women. It's time to put an end to this! Now, this forest is wide. It can shelter and clothe and feed a band of good, determined men -

...my profession is writing, not talking. But from my struggling youth until today, my principal aim has been to strive for truth. That is why I entered this fight. All my friends have told me that it was insane for a single person to oppose the immense machinery of the law, the glory of the Army, and the power of the State. They warned me that my actions would be mercilessly crushed, that I would be destroyed. But what does it matter if an individual is shattered, if only justice

Let us not mourn him. Let us rather salute that bright spirit of his which will live forever, and like a torch, enlighten a younger generation inspired to follow him. You who are enjoying today's freedom, take to your hearts the words of Zola. Do not forget those who fought the battles for you and bought your liberty with their genius and their blood. Do not forget them and applaud the lies of fanatical intolerance. Be human. For no man in all the breadth of our land more fervently loved

Mr. President of the Republic. Permit me to tell you that your record without blame so far is threatened with a most shameful blot - this abominable Dreyfus affair. A court-martial has recently, by order, dared to acquit one Esterhazy, a supreme slap at all truth, all justice. But since they have dared, I too shall dare. I shall tell the truth. Because if I did not, my nights would be haunted by the specter of an innocent being expiating, under the most frightful torture, a crime he never committed.

No, no. Just thinking. Cezanne's gone. Back to Provence. We didn't quarrel but he's taken something of me with him. The last of my youth..(snickers) He said I was getting too famous and too fat. Well, what if I have? I've fought my battles and I want calm, rest. From now on, I can look only backward. Strange, isn't it? Paul and I. Well, life is tricky and I suppose we don't influence our fate. While we're playing piquet, a starving mother and child jump into the river Seine. A

I think now, looking back, we did not fight the enemy, we fought ourselves. The enemy was in us. The war is over for me now, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. As I'm sure Elias will be, fighting with Barnes for what Rhah called "possesion of my soul." There are times since, I've felt like a child, born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to

Let her go. Let her go, man. Another Quaalude, she gonna love me again. What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of f#@kin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your f#@kin' fingers and say, "That the bad guy." So...what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide--how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth.

Of course Mom and Dad didn't want me to come here, they wanted me to be just like them. Respectable, hardworking, a little house, a family. They drove me crazy with their g*dd@mn world Grandma, you know, Mom....I guess I always been sheltered and special. I just wanted to be anonymous like everybody else. Do my share for my country, live up to what Grandpa did in the first war and Dad in the second. Well, here I am anonymous, alright, with guys nobody really cares about. They come from

What is the crime? And what is the punishment? The answer seems to vary from place to place, and from time to time. What's legal today is suddenly illegal tomorrow 'cause some society says it's so; and what's illegal yesterday all of a sudden gets legal today because everybody's doing it and you can't throw everybody in jail. Well I'm not saying this is right or wrong. It's just the way things are... But I spent the last three and a half years of my life in your prison and

"Treason doth never prosper," wrote an English poet, "What's the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it treason." The American public have yet to see the Zapruder film. Why? The American public have yet to see the real X-rays and photographs of the autopsy. Why? There are hundreds of documents that could help prove this conspiracy.

The Warren Commission thought they had an open-and-shut case. Three bullets, one assassin. But two unpredictable things happened that day that made it virtually impossible. One, the eight-millimeter home movie taken by Abraham Zapruder while standing by the grassy knoll. Two, the third wounded man, James Tague, who was knicked by a fragment, standing near the triple underpass. The time frame, five point six seconds, determined by the Zapruder film, left no possibility of a fourth shot. So the shot or fragment that left a superficial wound on Tague's cheek had to come from the three shots fired from

You don't have a choice anymore. You've become a significant threat to the national security structure. They would have killed you already but you got a lot of light on you. Instead they're trying to destroy your credibility. They already have in many circles in this town. Be honest, your only chance is to come up with a

Well, I appreciate the opportunity you're giving me, Mr. Cromwell, as the single, largest shareholder in Teldar Paper, to speak. (Laughter) Well, ladies and gentlemen we're not here to indulge in fantasy but in political and economic reality....."

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree - - Legendary was the Xanadu where Kubla Khan decreed his stately pleasure dome. Today, almost as legendary is Florida's Xanadu, world's largest private pleasure ground. Here, on the deserts of the Gulf Coast, a private mountain was commissioned and successfully built. One hundred thousand trees, twenty thousand tons of marble are the ingredients of Xanadu's mountain. Contents of Xanadu's palace: paintings, pictures, statues, the very stones of many another palace. A collection of everything. So big it can

Six years ago, I looked at a picture of the world's greatest newspaper men. I felt like a kid in front of a candy store. Well, tonight, six years later, I got my candy -- all of it. Welcome, gentlemen, to the Inquirer! Make up an extra copy of that picture and send it to the Chronicle, will you please? It'll make you all happy to learn that our circulation this morning was the greatest in New York, 684,000. (Mr. Bernstein: "Six hundred and eighty-four thousand one hundred and

You talk about the people as though you owned them. As though they belong to you. Goodness. As long as I can remember, you've talked about giving the people their rights, as if you can make them a present of Liberty, as a reward for services rendered...You remember the working man? When Kane suggested getting drunk with him, Leland replied: Aw, it won't do any good. Besides, you never get drunk. You used to write an awful lot about the workingman...He's turning into something called organized

A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn't think he'd remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn't see me at all, but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought

The trouble is, Mr. Thatcher, you don't realize you're talking to two people. As Charles Foster Kane, who owns eighty-two thousand, three hundred and sixty-four shares of Public Transit, preferred - you see, I do have a general idea of my holdings - I sympathize with you. Charles Foster Kane is a scoundrel, his paper should be run out of town; a committee should be formed to boycott him. You may, if you can form such a committee, put me down for a contribution of one thousand

Well, actually, there was a rather interesting coincidence on that, Doctor. One night, several years ago, I was walking early in the evening dow down on Fairfax Street between 18th and 19th. I had just put Ed Hickey into a taxi--Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and...I just felt that he needed conveying. Well, anyway,

A lot of people think is just a job that you go to. Take a lunch hour...job's over. Something like that. But it's a 24-hour deal. No two ways about it. And what most people don't see...is just how hard it is to do the right thing. People think if I make a judgment call that that's a judgment call on them but that's not what I do. And that's not what should be done. I have to take everything and play it as it lays. Sometimes people need a

Edward George Ruddy died today! Edward George Ruddy was the Chairman of the Board of the Union Broadcasting Systems, and he died at 11:00 o'clock this morning of a heart condition, and woe is us! We're in a lot of trouble! So, a rich little man with white hair died. What has that got to do with the

Get out, go anywhere you want, go to a hotel, go live with her, and don't come back! Because, after 25 years of building a home and raising a family and all the senseless pain that we have inflicted on each other, I'm damned if I'm going to stand here and have you tell me you're in love with somebody else! Because this isn't a convention weekend with your secretary, is it? Or -- or some broad that you picked up after three belts of booze. This is your great

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's no one anywhere that seems to know what to do with us. Now into it. We know the air is unfit to breathe, our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs

Why not? They've got Strike Force, Task Force, SWAT -- why not Che Guevara and his own little mod squad? Listen, I sent you all a concept analysis report yesterday. Did any of you read it? Well, in a nutshell, it said the American people are turning sullen. They've been clobbered on all sides by Vietnam, Watergate, the

You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it. You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations; there are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There is no third world. There is no west. There is only one

My name is Libby Mae Brown and this is my monologue. And, um, there's a bed right here and... windows. This is a hospital. The door's right through here. Through here. Um, this is the hallway. And um, this is the chair that I sit in. And so, the bed is.. is right there. Um, I'll be just, you know, looking there. My stuff. Oh! I don't start here. I start back in the hallway. Libby (as Susan):"

I grew up slowly beside the tides and marshes of a Carolina sea island. We lived in a small white house, won by my great-great grandfather, Winston Shadrach Wingo, in a horseshoe game. There are families who live out their entire lives without a single thing of interest happening to them. I've always envied those families. The child

We spent our last hours together at the Rainbow Room, dancing a slow dance, just like in my dream. I held her in my arms, as I told her that it was her doing that I could go back. Six weeks before I was ready to leave my wife, my kids. I wanted out of everything, but she

I'm.. I'm very proud, I''m very grateful to have won for the school. But I... I feel a bit of a fraud. You see I wrote about growing up as how I imagined it must be for most of you but... there was another article which was to have been included in the school magazine. It was censored because it was about a young guy who just happened to be gay. (pause and breath) I... I wrote that article. I wish you could have read it so you could

I always wanted to be in the movies. When I was little, I thought for sure that one day, I could be a big big star. Or maybe just beautiful. Beautiful and rich. Like the women on TV. Yeah, I had a lot of dreams. And I guess you could call me a real romantic 'cause I truly

SAYS WHO? ... ... I'm good with the Lord. I'm fine with him. And I know how you were raised, alright? And I know how people f#@kin' think out there, and f#@k, it's gotta be that way. They've gotta tell you that 'Thou shall not kill' sh!t and all of that. But that's not the way the world

"Forget about it" is like if you agree with someone, you know, like "Raquel Welsh is one great piece of ass forget about it." But then, if you disagree, like "A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it!" you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like Mingrio's Peppers,

I would give almost anything I have to reverse the course of my life in the last year. The past doesn't change for anyone, but at least I can learn from the past. I've learned a lot about life. I've learned a lot about myself. And about the responsibilities any man has towards his fellow men. I've learned

Remember how you once asked me how I started taking pictures? Well, this is the story of how I got my first camera. As a matter of fact, it's the only camera I have ever had. Are you following me so far? [Paul]

What do you know about it? Who are you anyway? Who are you? Criminals? Are you proud of yourselves? Proud of breaking safes or cheating at cards? Things you could just as well keep your fingers off. You wouldn't need to do all that if you'd learn a proper trade or if you'd work. If you weren't a

It's not just a rock. It's forty-two pounds of polished granite, with a beveled underbelly and a handle a human being can hold. Okay, so in and of itself it looks like it has no practical purpose. But it's a... a repository. Of possibility. And when it's handled just right, it exacts a kind of poetry. As close to poetry as I ever want to get. The way it moves. The way it can be moved, for ten years I've -- well, I've been around. I've drilled for oil on

I can't be like this, Frankie. Not after what I've done. I've seen the world. People chanted my name. Well, not my name, some damn name you gave me. But they were chanting for me. I was in magazines. You think I ever dreamed that'd happen? I was born at two pounds, one-and-a-half ounces. Daddy used to tell

I'm 32, Mr. Dunn, and I'm here celebrating the fact that I spent another year scraping dishes and waitressing which is what I've been doing since 13, and according to you I'll be 37 before I can even throw a decent punch, which I have to admit, after working on this speed bag for a month may be the God's simple truth. Other truth is, my brother's in prison, my sister cheats on welfare by pretending one of her babies is still alive, my daddy's dead, and my momma weighs

To make a fighter you gotta strip them down to bare wood: you can't just tell 'em to forget everything you know if you gotta make 'em forget even their bones... make 'em so tired they only listen to you, only hear your voice, only do what you say and nothing else... show 'em how to keep their balance and take it away from the other guy... how to generate momentum off their right toe and how to flex your knees when you fire a jab... how to fly back

You don't have to like me...that's fine. I'm a prick. But my father doesn't deserve to suffer like this. He was a janitor, struggled his whole life...saved up enough to start his own company...23 employees, all of them black...paid 'em equal wages when no one else was doing that. For thirty years he worked side by side with

Mr. Trask. Mr. Trask -- can you hear me? Is it just Cal you won't answer? Can you answer? I think you can understand me, though. I think behind your eyes you're just as alert as ever and understand everything I say -- only you can't show it. (pauses) Mr. Trask, it's awful not to be loved. It's the worst thing in the world. Don't ask me -- even if you could -- how I know that. I just know it. It makes you mean -- and violent

I don't want to hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns or bombs or electric chairs, but sometimes people just won't listen and so I have to use persuasion, and slides. My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or were they? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie in her pretty pink tutu.

Is there-oh- ANY OTHER TIME YOU MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THIS! I'M WEARING A WEDDING DRESS THAT YOU PICKED OUT! I highlighted my hair because you said I needed shimmer. I loved you and believed you and pretended not to notice the Streisand thing. I thought you were just creative and I thought you were just smarter than

Hello Betsy. Hi, it's Travis. How ya doin'? Listen, uh, I'm, I'm sorry about the, the other night. I didn't know that was the way you felt about it. Well, I-I didn't know that was the way you felt. I-I-I would have taken ya somewhere else. Uh, are you feeling better or oh you maybe had a virus or somethin', a 24-hour virus you know. It happens. Yeah, umm, you uh, you're workin' hard. Yeah. Uh, would you like to have, uh, some dinner, uh with me in the next,

May 10th. Thank God for the rain which has helped wash away the garbage and the trash off the sidewalks. I'm working long hours now. Six in the afternoon to six in the morning, sometimes even eight in the morning. Six days a week, sometimes seven days a week. It's a long hustle but it keeps me real

You see the woman in the window? Do you see the woman in the window?...I want you to see that woman, because that's my wife. That's not my apartment. That's not my apartment. You know who lives there? Huh? I mean, you wouldn't know who lives there - I'm just saying, but you know who lives there? Huh? A nigger lives there. How do ya like that? And I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill him...What do you think of that? Hmm? I said 'What do you think of that?' Don't

Saving someone's life is like falling in love. The best drug in the world. For days, sometimes weeks afterwards, you walk the streets, making infinite whatever you see. Once, for a few weeks, I couldn't feel the earth - everything I touched became lighter. Horns played in my shoes. Flowers fell from my pockets. You wonder if you've become immortal, as if you've saved your own life as well. God has passed through you. Why deny it, that for a moment there - why deny that for a moment there,

This Janiro's an up-and-coming fighter, this kid you gotta knock out. Knock out this f#@kin' kid! I'm telling you, this is your step towards gettin' a shot at the title. Listen to me: I'm telling you. You've been killin' yourself for three years. There's nobody left -- they're afraid to fight you. This Janiro's up-and-coming. He don't know. F#@kin' tear him apart, wipe him out! What are you worried about? Your weight? Look, even if you lose they're gonna think you're weak; they're gonna match you with guys they were

Hi, Lena. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I left you at the hospital. I called a phone sex line. I called a phone sex line before I met you. And four blonde brothers came after me, and they hurt you, and I'm sorry. And then I had to leave again because I wanted to make sure you never

I know this sounds silly, and I know that I might sound ridiculous...like this is the scene of the movie...where the guy is trying to get a hold of the long-lost son, y'know, but this is that scene. This is that scene. And I think they have those scenes in movies because they're true. Y'know, because they really

I've been around this block twice looking for something . . . a clue. I've been looking for clues and something led me back here . . . yeah . . . so here I am. Coulda been me who was at Ringo's place when the sh!t went down......Hey...I know how it is...'cause I been there...... we've all

Ladies and gentlemen... I've traveled over half our state to be here tonight. I couldn't get away sooner because my new well was coming in at Coyote Hills and I had to see about it. That well is now flowing at two thousand barrels and it's paying me an income of five thousand dollars a week. I have two others drilling and I have sixteen producing at Antelope. So, ladies and gentlemen... if I say I'm an oil man you will agree. You have a great chance here, but bear

Let me tell you something. This is not an easy job. I get a call on the radio from dispatch. It's bad news...and it stinks. But this is my job, and I love it. Because I want to do well. In this life and in this world, I want to do well...and I want to help people. And I might get 20 bad calls a day...but one time I can help someone...I make a save, I correct a wrong or right a situation, then I'm a happy cop. And we move

No, no, no, you see, I never loved him. I never loved him. Earl. When I met him, when I started, I met him, I f#@ked him, and I married him because I wanted his money. You understand? I'm telling you this...I've never told anyone, I didn't love him... but now, I know I'm in that will. I

"You are a stupid man, Abel. You have let someone come in here and walk all over us. You let him in and do his work here, and you are a stupid man for what we could have had.....You didn't do anything but sit down. You're lazy and you're stupid. Do you think God is going to save you for being stupid? He doesn't save stupid people, Abel. (He flips out, jumps on the table and assaults his father). I will tear you apart for what you've done, you stupid

And I had a vision. Yes, last night, I had a vision and I felt God's breath more through me. (Looks up to the sky) And it rolled down into my stomach. (Puts his hand on his stomach). It sloshed around. And my stomach spoke in a whisper, not a shout, "Touch this woman with your hands and caress her." (He gets on one knee and grabs an old lady's hands) My dear Mrs. Hunter, you have arthritis, don't you? Yes. The devil is in your hands, and I will

I should have told her everything. Mama loved stories like that. It's not so bad if you think about it. It could have been worse. Just think how that poor guy in Boston ended up...who got a new kidney. He got his name in the papers. He died just the same. And what about Laika, the space dog? They put her in a Sputnik, and sent her into space. They attached wires to her heart and her brain to see how she felt. I dont think she felt so good. She spun around there for five

Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, chief. It was comin' back, from the island of Tinian Delady, just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. Thirteen footer. You know, you know that

He told you about that, huh? Yeah, I was the one. Oh, I guess if it wasn't for Sam, I'd...just about have missed it, whatever it is. I'd have been one of them amity types that thinks that playing bridge is about the best thing that life has to offer. Old Sam the Lion. Sam the Lion --

I never liked to clean fish or eat em either. Spend half your time picking out bone. Yeah, just come out here to get a little scenery. Too pretty a day to spend in town. You wouldn't believe how this country's changed. First time I seen it, there wasn't a mesquite tree on it; or a prickly pear,

That was a UFO beaming back 'atcha. Me and Eric Kysman was down in Mexico two weeks ago. We saw forty of 'em flying in formation. Th-th-they have got bases all over the world now, you know, they've been coming here ever since 1946 when the scientists first started bouncing radar beams off the moon. And they have

Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream, Mandrake? Children's ice cream!...You know when fluoridation began?...1946. 1946, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual, and certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard-core Commie works. I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the physical

Hello? ... Ah ... I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? ... Oh-ho, that's much better. ... yeah ... huh ... yes ... Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri. ... Clear and plain and coming through fine....I'm coming through

The duty officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact the he had issued the go code and he said, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them, otherwise

Well, boys, I reckon this is it -- nuclear combat toe to toe with the Rooskies. Now look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there. And I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you

Don't you know Gerry? Don't you know what I'm trying to do? I am trying to be your girlfriend, Gerry! I'm trying to win you back! It's fairly simple. I'm standing on the platform at Limbo Central with my heart and soul packed in my suitcase waiting for the Gerry Friggin' Express to roll in and tell me

I don't understand you! You're all up on perches but it doesn't hide your arseholes! You don't give a crap about gods and heroes! If you're honest - each one of you - which of you isn't more at home with his hairdresser than Hercules? Bores, bores, bores! All serious operas written this century are boring! (laughs vigorously) Look at us! Four gaping mouths. What a perfect quartet! I'd love

My plan was so simple that it terrified me. First I must get the death mass and then I, I must achieve his death. His funeral! Imagine it, all of Vienna there, Mozart's coffin, Mozart's little coffin in the middle, and then suddenly, in that silence, music! A divine music bursts out over them all. A great mass of death! Requiem mass for Wolfgang Mozart, composed by his dear friend, Antonio Salieri! Oh what sublimity, what depth, what passion in the music! Salieri has been touched by God at last.

Have you lost your mind? I mean, how is it that you can disrespect a man's ethnicity when you know we've influenced nearly every facet of white America. From our music to our style of dress, not to mention your basic imitation of our sense of cool; walk, talk, dress, mannerisms. We enrich your very existence, all the

Who is this guy and what the f#@k is he doing here? Ben: Who I am, WHO I AM, who am I, who am I is a question for the ages. That's one we are all searching for, to find out who I am, who's in there, who wants to come out and say, hey, I'm hungry. Who I am is too deep and prof-,

Well, you know I never got to bat in the major leagues. I'd like to have my chance just once, to stare down a big league pitcher, to stare him down and just as he goes into his wind-up, wink, make him think you know something he doesn't. That's what I wish. A chance to squint at the sky so blue that it hurts your eyes just to look at it. To feel the tingle in your arms as you connect with the ball, to run the bases, stretch a double into a triple, and flop

People will come, Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn into your driveway, not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door, as innocent as children, longing for the past. "Of course, we won't mind if you look around," you'll say, "It's only twenty dollars." And they'll pass over

I came here to die with you. Or live with you. Dying ain't so hard for men like you and me, it's living that's hard; when all you ever cared about has been butchered or raped. Governments don't live together, people live together. With governments you don't always get a fair word or a fair fight. Well I've

Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again. It seemed to me I stood by the iron gate leading to the drive, and for a while I could not enter for the way was barred to me. Then, like all dreamers, I was possessed of a sudden, the supernatural powers and passed like a spirit through the barrier before me. The drive wound away in front of me, twisting and turning as it had always done. But as I advanced, I was aware that a change had come upon

She was lying on the divan, a large tray of cigarette stubs beside her. She looked ill, queer. Suddenly she got up, started to walk toward me. 'When I have a child,' she said, 'neither you nor anyone else could ever prove it wasn't yours. You'd like to have an heir, wouldn't you, Max, for your precious Manderley?' Then she started to laugh. 'How funny! How supremely, wonderfully funny! I've been a perfect mother just as I've been the perfect wife! No one will ever know. Now, it ought to

I doubt that they would appreciate it, sir. They rather resent the invasion of their privacy. I believe quite properly, sir. You see, sir, rich people and theorists, who are usually rich people, think of poverty in the negative ... as the lack of riches ... as disease might be called the lack of health -- but it

...this was during the Los Angeles marijuana drought of 1986. I still had a connection. Which was insane, 'cause people couldn't get weed anyf#@kinwhere then. Anyway, I had a connection with this hippie chick up in Santa Cruz and all my friends knew it. And they'd give me a call and say, "Hey, Freddy- "Hey, DUDE, you gettin'

An employee I had to let go. Louis: What did he do? Ordell: He put himself in a situation where he was gonna have to do ten years in the penitentiary, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know there ain't no way in hell he can do no ten years. And if you know

As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book, not particularly well-drawn, but the mythology. The mythology is not only great, it's unique...Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to

As your leader, I encourage you to -- from time to time and always in a respectful manner -- to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so. But allow me to convince you. And I will promise you, right here and now, no subject will be taboo ... except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or my American heritage as a negative is, I collect

I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's f#@ked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government f#@ks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullsh!t I got two words for that: learn to f#@kin' type, 'cause

It's a fact. Sicilians have nigger blood pumpin' through their hearts. If you don't believe me, look it up. You see, hundreds and hundreds of years ago the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are niggers. Way back then, Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. Blond hair, blue eyes. But, once the Moors moved in there, they

Looked dead, didn't I? But I wasn't. But it wasn't from lack of trying, I can tell you that. Actually, Bill's last bullet put me in a coma - A coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up, I went on what the movie advertisements refer to as a 'roaring rampage of revenge.' I roared. And I rampaged. And I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of people to get to this point, but I have only one more. The last

My name is Lieutenant Aldo Raine and I am putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Jewish American soldiers. Now, you all might've heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're going to be dropped into France dressed as civilians. Once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwhacking guerrilla army, we're going to be doing one thing and one thing only. Killing Nazis...."

Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-ought three. Head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in

Well, I've flown seven million miles. And I've been waitin' on people almost twenty years. The best job I could get after my bust was Cabo Air, which is about the worst job you can get in this industry. I make about sixteen thousand, with retirement benefits , ain't worth a damn. And now with this arrest hanging over my head, I'm scared. If I lose my job I gotta start all over again, but I got nothin to start over with. I'll be stuck with whatever I can get. And that scares

Good... I need you two fellas is to do...is to take those cleaning products and clean the inside of the car. I'm talking fast, fast, fast. You need to go in the back seat, scoop up all those little pieces of brain and skull--get it out of there...wipe down the upholstery. Now, when it comes to the upholstery...it

Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad's. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell together over five years. Hopefully...you'll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Dad were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Coolidge would be talkin' right now to my son Jim. But the

I think you're gonna find, when all this sh!t is over, I think you're gonna find yourself one smiling motherf#@ker. The thing is, Butch, right now you got ability. But painful as it may be, ability don't last. And your days are just about over. Now that's a hard motherf#@kin' fact of life, but that's a fact of

Knives. The character I played,Raven McCoy, her background was she was raised by circus performers. So she grew up doing a knife act. According to the show, she was the deadliest woman in the world with a knife. But because she grew up in a circus, she was also something of an acrobat. She could do illusions, she

Let me tell you what "Like a Virgin" is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song....it's a metaphor for big dicks..."Like a Virgin" is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what "True Blue" is about. Now, granted, no argument about that...Let me tell you what "Like a Virgin" is about...."

Well there's this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his

Hell, you all know I'm Waylon and I'm an addict. And the fact is that I want to be clean today more than I want to be high. It's good to be here. Hell, it's good to be anywhere clean. It's good to be here. Even Baltimore. I've bee clean a few 24 hours now, and I'm still dead certain that my disease wants me dead. Yeah, I'm in here with you all, talking shit about how strong I am, how strong I feel but my disease is out there

We can't strike. Why not? Because it's against the law to strike! The king has declared that everything is a crime. Writing is a crime. Two weeks ago, the police destroyed the Galaty, the worker's newspaper. They smashed the press. They burned over two thousand newspapers but that didn't satisfy the king. Three days ago at a student meeting, a peaceful meeting, soldiers broke it up and arrested two of my friends. Writing, talking, going to class, speaking out is a crime. Being poor is a crime. Being poor is

Huh, I had a great thing goin' there 'till the freakin' fuzz showed up. I wish that skinny broad hadn't turned on the shower too, I think I'm getting' a cold. Oh well, man. Everyone all studyin' for the goddam exams and all? Hey Fuzz, how'd it go with that Dee Dee chick, huh. She got some bod, huh? You have to admit. Oh, Charlene isn't bad either though, right? Like, wow. Heinz, you swine old buddy pig, you grew behind Alvina? Get some kicks tonight, huh? Huh, bastards,

And God prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. Shipmates, the sin of Jonah was in his disobedience of the command of God. He found it a hard command. And it was hard, shipmates, for all the things God would have us do are hard. We would obey God we must disobey ourselves. But Jonah still further flouts at God by seeking to flee from him, Jonah thinks that a ship, made by men will carry him into country where God does not reign. He prowls along the shipping like a vile burglar hastening to cross the

I've seen a good many changes at Brookfield. I remember so much. I sometimes think I ought to write a book. What should I call it? Memories of Rod and Lines? I may write it one day. I may forget some things but I never forget your faces. If you come and see me in the years to

I don't understand you people. I mean all these little picky points you bring up don't mean nothing. They don't mean nothing. How can you believe his story? You're an intelligent man and you're not gonna tell me you're not. You know the facts of life. Just look at what we're dealing with. Just look at what we're

Send him my treasure maps. Maybe now he'll get lucky. The lone wolf. Y'know there was a time once when he almost had it made. Just the two of us. He was in a fever about some new project up in Alaska! A hunting lodge for tourists. It was going to make us a fortune, better than a gold mine. But most of all, it as going to be something we never had before: a real home. We got it built too. Just him and me; side by side. The day the roof was

Mac, wait a minute. Uhmmm-mmm. Excuse me sister, excuse me. Now don't tell me we're going to let these two little angels of mercy go away from here empty handed on Christmas Eve? This joint is the home of fine bourbon and fast women...and we need plenty of religion to keep 'em both in line. So come on, folks, how about it? Get it up now, come on. Ah, come on, a little action here. A little -- What's the matter? Ohhh! Hey! Hey Lord! Can you hear me up

You hick! I'll be back pulling strings to get guys elected mayor and governor before you ever get a 10-buck raise. Yeah, how many of those guys in office owe everything to me. I made them. Yeah, I made 'em, just like a -- like a tailor makes a suit of clothes. I take a nobody, see? Teach him what to say. Get his name in the papers and pay for his campaign expenses. Dish out a lotta groceries and coal. Get my boys to bring the voters out. And

Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and..., particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I'm just some git who's only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered...ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to

Garreth used to prefer funerals to weddings. He said it was easier to get enthusiastic about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in. In order to prepare this speech, I rang a few people, to get a general picture of how Garreth was regarded by those who met him. Fat seems to be a word people most connected with him. Terribly rude also rang a lot of bells. So very fat and very rude seems to have been a stranger's viewpoint.

Well, I've been on a diet since I was 19, which basically means I've been hungry for a decade. I've had a sequence of not nice boyfriends, one of whom hit me. Ha... and every time my heart gets broken the newspapers splash it about as though it's entertainment. And......it's taken two rather painful operations to get me

Like many fly fisherman in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise. Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs

Are you telling us this stuff so we can buy your book? Because I gotta tell you, if you are, that was some of the worst advice I've ever heard. Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating Twinkies, and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. It takes a little while to find that out. Right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk

First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs

It begins with the King as a boy--having to spend a night alone in the forest to prove his courage so that he could become king. While he was standing there alone, he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the Holy Grail, the symbol of God's divine grace. And a voice said to the

Maybe we should talk about art. Tito's got real talent, don't you think? You know something? I saw a picture just like this once, in a museum. Only it wasn't a black man, it was a Jewish man. And instead of the big lips he had a really big nose, like a rat's nose. But he wasn't just

Ohh! You gotta believe in God! But I don't believe God created Man in His image. 'Cause most the sh!t that happens is because of men. Men were made in the devil's image. And women were created outta God. 'Cause, after all, women can have babies--which is kinda like creating. And which also accounts for the fact that

Well, he's paying so he don't hafta look. Guy goes to work eight hours a day, seven days a week. Gets his nuts so tight in a vice that he starts to question even the very fabric of his existence. Then one day about quitting time, boss calls him in the office and says: "Hey, Bob, why don't

I don't have a mother either... she's in heaven with my baby sister... But that doesn't mean I can't talk to her, I talk to her all the time... I tell her everything and I know she hears me because... because that's what angels do. My mom is an angel and yours is too. With beautiful satin wings,

You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. You both think you have some right to life working out the way you want it to, and when it doesn't, you get to act the way you want. The only trouble with that is someone has to be responsible. I'd love to run around and take

Alright, I have an admittedly insane idea, but if I don't ask you this, it's just, uh, you know, its going to haunt me the rest of my life. I want to keep talking to you, y'know. I have no idea what your situation is, but, uh, but I feel like we have some kind of, uh, connection. Right? Yeah, right, well, great. So listen, so here's the deal. This is what we should do. You should get off the train with me here in Vienna, and come check out

I know what you mean about wishing somebody else wasn't there. It's just, usually, it's myself that I wish I could get away from. Seriously, think about this. I have never been anywhere that I haven't been. I've never had a kiss when I wasn't one of the kissers. You know, I've never gone to the movies when I wasn't there in the audience. I've never been out bowling if I wasn't there making some stupid joke. I think that's why so many people hate themselves. Seriously. It's just they are

The man of my dreams is almost faded, now. . The one I have created in my mind. The sort of man, each woman dreams of in the most secret and deepest part of her heart. I could almost see him now before me. What would I say to him if he were really here? Forgive me, I've never

Let me finish. I want you to know just how much we can do for you. First we'll pick a Sunday night to call. Why a Sunday, you ask? (Beat) Because that's when Masterpiece Theater is on, so the chances are the right people will be home. Let's say, the third Sunday of the month, that's before the callers have received their bills from American Express, so they'll feel a little more free with their expressions of support. And that goes double if you let them charge their pledges to

I congratulate you, little boy. Well done. You found the fifth Golden Ticket. May I introduce myself. Arthur Slugworth, President of Slugworth Chocolates, Incorporated. Now listen carefully because I'm going to make you very rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this moment working on a fantastic invention: the Everlasting Gobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So all I want you to do is to get hold of just one Everlasting Gobstopper and bring it to me so that I can find the secret formula. Your reward will be ten thousand of these. Think it over,

Now Ms. Parker, don't you believe what you read in all them newspapers. That's the law talkin' there. They want us to look big so they gonna look big when they catch us. And they ain't gonna catch us. Cause I'm even better at runnin' than I am at robbin' banks. Shoot, if we'd done half that stuff

When Joanna -- my ex-wife -- when she was talking before about how unhappy she was during our marriage...Well, I guess most of what she said was probably true. There were a lot of things I didn't understand -- a lot of things I would do different if I could. Just like I guess there are a lot

No wire hangers! What's wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you no wire hangers?! EVER!!!! I work till I'm half dead and I hear people say she's getting old! What do I get ? A daughter who cares as much about a beautiful dress I give her as she cares about me. What's wire hangers doing in this closet?! Answer me! I buy you beautiful dresses and you treat 'em like some dishrag! You threw a 300 dollar dress on a wire hanger! We'll see

I wanted to be a sex goddess. And you can laugh all you want to. The joke is on me, whether you laugh or not. I wanted to be one -- one of them. They used to laugh at Marilyn when she said she didn't want to be a sex-goddess, she wanted to be a human being. And now they laugh at me when I say, "I don't want to be a human being; I want to be a sex-goddess." That shows you right there that something has changed, doesn't

Thank you, Bronco. In the world of... ... in the world of matrimonial law, there are ... ... in the world of matrimonial law, there are multiple tactics ......... Friends, this morning I stand before you a very different Miles Massey than the one that addressed you last year on the disposition of marital assets following murder-slash-suicide.

A moocher? Sure, everybody's a moocher to you. A mongrel dog eating out of a garbage pail is a moocher to you. (Takes out a gun from his pocket). Stay where you are young fellow! Get over there! You're about to get some more publicity, Mr. Deeds. You're about to get on the front page again. See how you're going to like it this time. See what good your money's gonna do when you're six feet under? You never thought of that. Did you? No....all you ever thought of was

I know why he won't defend himself! That has a bearing on the case, hasn't it? He's been hurt, he's been hurt by everybody he met since he came here, principally by me. He's been the victim of every conniving crook in town. The newspapers pounced on him, made him a target for their feeble humor. I was

Say, fella, you neglected me and I feel very put out. Look, sock it right there, will ya? Sock it hard. Oh, listed, the difference between them and me is, I know when I've been a skunk. You take me to the nearest newsstand and I'll eat a pack of your postcards raw. Raw! Oh, what a magnificent deflation of smugness! Pal, you've added ten years to my life. A poet with a straight left and a right hook? Delicious. Delicious. You're my guest from now on, forever and a

Suppose you were living in a small town and getting along fine....and suddenly somebody dropped 20 million dollars in your lap. Supposing you discover all that money was messing up your life...was bringing vultures around your neck and making you lose faith in everybody. You'd be a little worried, wouldn't you? You'd feel that you had a hot potato in your hand, and you'd want to drop it... Personally, I don't know what Mr. Cedar is raving about. From what I can see, no matter what system of government we

Well, I don't know where to begin. There have been so many things said abour me that I....About my playing the tuba. Seems like a lot of fuss has been made about that. If, if a man's crazy just because he plays the tuba, then somebody'd better look into it, because there are a lot of tuba players running around loose. Of course, I don't see any harm in it. I play mine whenever I want to concentrate. That may sound funny to some people, but everybody does something silly

I don't know. Part of me thinks the kid's right. He asks what he's done to deserve this. He wants to stay here, fine. Let's leave him and go home. But then another part of me thinks, what if by some miracle we stay, then actually make it out of here. Someday we might look back on this

I've got a letter here, written a long time ago to a Mrs. Bixby in Boston, so bear with me "Dear Madam: I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so

Mike, what's the pool on me up to right now? What's it up to? What is it, 300 dollars? Is that it? 300? I'm a schoolteacher. I teach English composition...in this little town called Addley, Pennsylvania. The last eleven years I've been at Thomas Alva Edison High School. I was a coach of the baseball team in the springtime. Back home, I tell people what I do for a living and they think, well, ah now that figures...but over here, it's, uh, a big, a big mystery. So

This, this one night, two of my brothers came and woke me up in the middle of the night, and they said they had a surprise for me. So they took me to the barn up in the loft and there was my oldest brother, Dan, with Alice, Alice Jardine. I mean, picture a girl who just took a nosedive from the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down. And...and Dan's got her shirt off and he's working on her bra and he's tryin to get it off

Well actually the the trick to falling asleep is to trying to stay awake. See when my mother was an intern she use to work late through the night, sleep through the day. So the only time we ever got to talk about anything was when she'd get home. So what'd I'd, I used to do, I used

That's my brand. Mmmmm...this is damn good. In fact, I'd say this is the best beer I ever had. Actually, I'm glad to be alive right now. I was up a few towns away, you know, Saragosa? I was visiting a bar there, not unlike this one. They serve beer, not quite as good as this, but close.

So there's this guy Walsh, do you understand? He's tired of screwin' his wife... So his friend says to him, "Hey, why don't you do it like the Chinese do?" So he says, "How do the Chinese do it?" And the guy says, "Well, the Chinese, first they screw a little bit, then they stop, then they go and read a little Confucius, come back, screw a little bit more, then they stop again, go and they screw a little bit...then they go back and they screw a little bit

Dear Marty, If my calculations are correct, you will receive this letter immediately after you saw the DeLorean struck by lightning. First, let me assure you that I'm alive and well. I've been living happily these past 8 months in the year 1885. The Lightning bolt that hit the DeLorean cause a gigowat overload which scrambled the time circuits, activated the flux capacitor and, and sent me back to 1885. The overload shorted out the time circuits and destroyed the flying circuits. Unfortunately the car will never fly again. I set myself up as a blacksmith, as a

Hey: Terrific. Terrific, Stan, that's what we're here for. Here you can look, browse, peek, touch, feel, taste, smell--do anything you want, take all the time you want. Nobody's gonna pressure anybody around here, Stan. You know something though, Stan? I really think you ought to buy this Buick. I think you ought to buy it today, right

Let me show you how it works. First, you turn the time circuits on. This readout tells you where you're going, this one tells you where you are, this one tells you where you were. You input the destination time on this keypad. Say, you wanna see the signing of the declaration of independence, or witness the birth or Christ. Here's a red-letter date in the history of science, November 5, 1955. Yes, of course, November 5, 1955...That was the day I invented time travel. I remember it vividly. I was standing on the edge of my

Okay, we're working in this advertising agency after college. Yeah, and we have like this big presentation to make to like a client. So, so we're like brainstorming and all of a sudden, we're out of paper clips. And so, okay so then I, I say okay, wouldn't it be great if there was like this like

Sometimes I feel there is a hole inside me... An emptiness that, at times, seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. And the moon tonight: there's a circle around it --- a sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole... Of

Mr. Chairman -- ladies and gentlemen of the committeee. Remarkably enough, it seems that I have some explaining to do. So...let me be absolutely clear. I stand for a woman's right to choose. I stand for the elimination of the death penalty. I stand for a strong and growing armed forces because we must stomp out genocide on this planet and I believe that that is a cause worth dying for. I stand for seeing every gun taken out of every home. Period. I stand for making the selling

Thank you. Napoleon once said, when asked to explain the lack of great statesmen in the world that, "to get power you need to display absolute pettiness. To exercise power, you need to show true greatness." Such pettiness and such greatness are rarely found in one person. I look upon the events of the past weeks and

Aaaaahhhhh! OY! Ten-thousand years will give ya such a crick in the neck! Whoa! Does it feel good to be outta there! Nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi, where ya from? What's your name? Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you 'Al?' Or maybe just 'Din?' Or howbout 'Laddi?'

Ah, Salaam and good evening to you worthy friend.Please, please, come closer-- Too close, a little too close. There.Welcome to Agrabah. City of mystery, of enchantment...and the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan, on sale today, come on down! Heh, heh. Look at this! Yes! Combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes Julienne fries. Will not break! Will not! It broke! Ooohhh! Look at this! I have never seen one of these intact before. This is the famous Dead Sea Tupperware. Listen.

Eat me, Sebastian. It's all right for guys like you and Court to f#@k everyone...but when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact I have to act like Mary Sunshine twenty-four-seven so I can be considered a lady?

He's honest Bob; he's blunt as well. That sometimes is part of being honest, because there are a lot of people who are blunt. But not honest. Larry is not one of those. Larry is an honest man. You too are an honest man, Bob. I believe that, that somewhere down deep inside you is something that strives to be honest. The question you have to ask yourself is, has it touched the whole of my life? That means that you preaching

There is no evidence of anger at Carl, much less rage, much less murderous rage. No reason for premeditation and no evidence of it. Anywhere. Nels: He had asked his childhood friend Carl to sell him some land. And Carl was considering it. Carl's own wife testified that her husband had not made up his mind! Strange moment to follow and kill a man, don't you think? And yet the state is required to prove these things. Beyond. A reasonable. Doubt. There is more than reasonable

Category: Film/ TV Monologues