Sixty Years, To Life by Nick Zagone
Look what I brought. Surprise! A picnic! They said they'd
let me bring this in. Look! A pic-a-nic basket. Like Yogi Bear! Eh? Boo-boo?
Let me just set this up, EVEN though I know you can't eat, I just thought
it would be nice to take us back... oh, here they come. Well of course I
know he can't accept it, there's a window between us duh! How's he supposed
to eat anything in that straight jacket thing anyway? Geez, cops sure are
stupid. Oh damn I busted the crackers now just get back over there
officer Fratello, he ain't goin' no where!
Now. So I thought we'd have a little picnic just like we did on our first
date, up in the park? Ya know, by that first girl they found, down by the
river? Well of course you remember. A little cheese, salami, French bread,
this is that good French bread, it's from Safeway. And this is the coup
de gracie. (pulls out bottle of wine)
Hm? It's a merlot. Like... like we used to have. Like blood huh? That's
why the Christian's drink it. ‘Cause Jesus gave his blood at the Last
Supper. Cistercians and Benedictines grew grapes for wine in the middle-ages
for the mass. Yeah, I've been doing some research. Proud of me? Now I see
your eyes. No this was my idea, not the cops.
Look bear, you know, you know what they're saying? Not the papers. Them.
These detectives. Oh poop-bear... they're saying you ate those girls. Ate
them. They saw bite marks on... the bones. I told them that it must have
been a critter or somethin', a wolf, a bear or... but they said the marks,
the in-den-ta-tions match your teeth. Now I need to know. I need to know
now. You're all I know, you're the only person I can believe. No more secrets
The news is all sayin' these girls had merlot in their stomachs and well,
a heck of a lot of people drink merlot, so my boyfriend drinks merlot, and
then sometimes I wash some blood out of his shirts, but that's from the
hunting trip he says and that's what all that cured meat in the basement
is, just deer meat, venison you say, and all this doesn't mean my boyfriend
is a serial killer, it doesn't mean anything, none of it means anything,
he just has a little problem, but eating? Eating women hon?! And don't tell
me I should be happy in a way because you didn't have sex with them, that's
what one of those cops said, the little shit, but damn poop-bear I'd give
anything at this point to just have a two timing philandering son-of-a-bitch.
A cheater, why couldn't you just cheat hon? A DUI! Holding up an AM/PM?!
Why's it gotta be eating human flesh?
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